|
| "A Timeless Reunion" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Anja [MediaMiner Member] On: April 26, 2006 23:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was a very well written piece. It was interesting having Miroku talk to his dad. I like how you brought out the similarities between Miroku and his dad, so you could tell they are related. The smooth talking, the looks...just one thing I wanted to point out, Miroku's father is supposed to be bald. Other then that, you did very well. It was nice that you had just Sango come with Miroku, and not InuYasha and Kagome as well. I like your style of writing, and I'm off to read more of your work.
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: NekoKamiFL [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2006 11:28 CST
Comment/Review:
I was very impressed with this story, for the most part. There were no spelling errors that I could find. I believe you pulled off the present tense style quite nicely. However, I found one small spot where you switched to past tense. "Uttering a small cry, I grab my staff from my side and bring it down upon whoever is bending upon me - and Inu Yasha's annoyed shout rented the air." I believe in that sentence you meant to write "rents" instead of "rented." Also, I noticed a couple small grammatical errors in one sentence towards the beginning. "I could see him as the vortex of a terrible dark hurricane, slowly excruciatingly, pulling him into its void." In place of "pulling," I think "pulled" or "pulls" would be better. And I also believe there should be a comma between "slowly" and "excruciatingly." Finally, when Kagome begins telling Miroku and Sango what happened at the end, she seems a tiny bit like a narrator, but you could have been trying for that sort of effect. So other than a few very minor mistakes, I thought you did a great job. The exchange between Miroku and his father was very sweet. Overall, I enjoyed this story a lot. Thank you for submitting this to the FFRG!
|
|
|
