Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: March 26, 2007 00:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
An awesome start to this story, and a bit realistic too. You have some great concepts to this story, though you need to follow the old writing adage: show , do not say. Show what the action is, what past events were like, instead of merely saying them. In addition, the quote marks and apostrophes all missing in your chapters, replaced by the letters 'g' and 'h', to mark the beginning and end of quoted speech respectively. On top of that, the first few chapters also lack spacing, and this makes it a serious pain at times to read. However, this story has great potential, you just need to put the work in on the editing. DO that, and you'll have something truly worthwhile to put out in the long run. Anyway, please continue writing, this is meant as a constructive criticism, not bashing the hell out of your hard work. Please, continue working hard on this story, it's good. With that in mind, please put in the time to fix the problems that are there already. Because in the long run, this will help out the rest of your story. Later
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