|
| "Fatal Fight" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: May 21, 2006 12:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
I can see that this story meant a lot to you, you've given it a lot of care and thought and made the emotions stand through. There were a few times that I felt you could have used a bit more description to the dialogue to add to what was going on around them. I agree with NekoKamiFL that InuYasha seemed a bit OOC, however I could grant it to him. I mean both he and Kagome are dying. People do strange things then. I do think that your beginning feels a little rushed. Like you are running to the death scene, I think a little more build up to it would add to the impact. Maybe actually describe the final battle as it happens instead of through Inu Yasha or Kagome remembering what happened to them. I feel that the best part of this story is the feeling and dialogue between Kagome & InuYasha. I also like that I could focus on the story and not get hung up on technical problems. Thank you for submitting to FFRG and I look forward to seeing more from you.
| Reviewed By: dezy On: January 27, 2006 20:07 CST
Comment/Review:
that was a toching story :*)
| Title: Fatal Flight
Reviewed By: crazy144 On: January 26, 2006 19:21 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
it made me cry wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can't stop crying well update i wanna kno wat happens next do they meet up on the other sife or wat come on don't leave me on a cliff hanger hehehhehehe
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: NekoKamiFL [MediaMiner Member] On: January 26, 2006 14:19 CST
Comment/Review:
First off, I'd like to say you did a pretty good job editing, seeing as how I only found two tiny mistakes in the whole story. 1) "Beside her stood Inuyasha, his sword Tessusaiga in his right hand..." I believe, in this sentence, there should be a comma between "sword" and "Tessusaiga" and another between "Tessusaiga" and "in." 2) "You weren't afraid of me, you didn't revile me, as other had." And in this I believe "other" should be "others." Besides those two minor errors, I could find no spelling/grammatical slip-ups. As for characterization, Inuyasha seemed a bit OOC towards the end, when he was telling Kagome that he loved her. I think that if he were to share his feelings with her, he'd probably do it with a few more actions, instead of words. Finally, your closing sentence really touched me. The symbolism was very nice. Overall, I enjoyed this piece a lot. Thank you for submitting this to the FFRG!
| Reviewed By: DaNay4422 On: January 26, 2006 00:59 CST
Comment/Review:
wow, that was so sad! I hardly ever cry at fanfics, but this one made me need a tissue.
|
|
|
