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| "Paradox" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: NekoKamiFL [MediaMiner Member] On: February 23, 2006 14:59 CST
Comment/Review:
I'd like to start off by saying that I was very impressed with this piece. You did a wonderful job editing, there were no mistakes that I found. The pairing itself certainly intrigued me. The wording and writing style was beautiful. I especially liked the connection Kikyo made between InuYasha and Shippo. I wasn't bored at all with this, and it left me thinking and wanting for more. I feel bad for not really being able to leave any comments of improvement, but I can't really find any. Thank you for submitting this to the FFRG!
| Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: February 21, 2006 14:28 CST
Comment/Review:
*In the sixth line, I think that "lesser" should simply be "less". Also, I hope that you don't take this review terribly! I wish you all the best in your writing! I think that while "Paradox" had sincere intentions, it fell a little short. For example, while Kikyo's narrative was certainly very poetic with many metaphors and similes referring to nature, it also seemed forced and at times her thought process was jerky, especially in the beginning. She would be pondering herself (a little confusingly such as in line 6) and then abruptly her logic would bring her to contemplate the future, and then just as suddenly, the past and then love and all these other things. There were also some spelling errors. Short stories, I think, really require a certain uniformity to bring out an impressive message and a lasting impact. If "Paradox" had tied all of Kikyo's thoughts together more neatly and related them more obviously to Shippo, who I think was the main focus of the story (?), I think that it would be amazing, because the writing style was quite good! Thank you for submitting to FFRG! -Dee
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