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| "How" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: the bastard child On: May 18, 2007 14:07 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
oh, that's rough.... the beginning was excellent and the last line was a real memorable line. seemed like she meant: "there will never be another good morning ever!" err, i'm feeling melodramatic, sorry if it leaks into this review. but it was entertaining and brutal. nice job.
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: NekoKamiFL [MediaMiner Member] On: February 27, 2006 19:31 CST
Comment/Review:
I have to say, the beginning of this chapter grabbed me and held on, making me want to read the rest of it, and even leaving me wanting for more when it was over. The only things I can point out are these: there were just two spots where I believe there should have been a comma. "Every time I see him standing, flying through the air, fighting, bleeding, hurting, happy I give more of my heart to him." I think, in this sentence, there should be a comma between "happy" and "I." And, in the very last line, there should be a comma between "morning" and "Inuyasha." Another thing about this line, "morning" shouldn't be capatilized. Also, here, "A love that RETURNED his feelings. A love that SAW what he felt," I think that italics would work just as well as capatilized letters. Finally, the structure of the chapter seemed a bit odd to me. I wasn't sure why you aligned some of the sentences in the center. I don't think that is required. As far as spelling errors, there were none that I could find. Overall, I liked this and it did not bore me at all. I thought parts of the wording were beautiful, and some lines, like, "I sigh. I cry. I crash. I die," left an impression on me. Thank you very much for submitting this to the FFRG!
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