Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: March 28, 2006 22:24 CST
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting your fic to FFRG to be reviewed! First, I think it's awesome that you're taking an opportunity to tell a story that is not really thought of much. Well done! I think it was a great way to express the closeness and love of two brothers, and how terrible that event truly was. You did a great job in expressing, in such a short fic, the attitude of the two brothers. The reader can see their personalities, and their differences, and also their similarities. So, great description! Now, as far as improvements go, you really need to work on your comma usage. For starters, when you use a comma at the end of a quote, the comma goes before the quote marks, not after. That was my main concern. The others were fairly minor, but the story could do with another read-over. There were some minor grammar mistakes that need to be fixed, and some punctuation ones as well. Go through and look at your comma usage particularly, and also...lack of comma usage. There were some sentences that were all run together, and they would be much clearer with better punctuation. Other than grammatical errors, you have a lovely piece here. It showed a lot of emotion, and a great story. Thanks for the submission! Keep up the great work!
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