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| "Remembrance" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: Wolf in the Night [MediaMiner Member] On: April 15, 2006 01:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello, and thank you for submitting to FFRG! This story was quite an interesting depiction of Sasuke and Itachi, though it has a few cracks in its foundation. First, your appositives need to have commas both in front and behind the phrase. Second, the beginning throws the timing of the story off. What I mean by that is, readers sort of expect this to be right after and not some time after Itachi's death. When you wrote "Sasuke was finally free from the cursed bondage called revenge", it misguides the reader on what time this story is on. I see run-on sentences in the second paragraph. Worded well, and though they add a variety of sentence structures, it's just putting a little too much for one thought at a time. There were some breaks in the flow of the story. The most major, I think, being Itachi's introduction scene. There was a lack of detail there and it made for hardly any atmosphere and the disrupted the flow for me. This was a nice little fanfic to read, especially as a Sasuke fangirl. It's nice to see him and even, Itachi have some sort of peace. Once again, thank you for submitting to FFRG. We hope you submit again, soon.
| Reviewed By: orangeflips [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2006 13:26 CDT
Comment/Review:
That was... touching. Sometimes, people portray Itachi as a sadistic older brother and Sasuke as whiny... but... it's just soo nice. For some reason, the beginning was a little rough for me, but I adored the ending. Especially the part where Itachi truly acts brother. It seemed in character, while I would never imagine them doing that in the manga. It was... really nice. Thanks for writing!
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