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| "Metal and Tears" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Title: soldier, really i promise
Reviewed By: an o so tired Drop On: April 14, 2006 02:51 CDT
Comment/Review:
*groggy, knuckle crack*... "its too damn early".... hello again my darling lil elfling time for another review this time... chptr 7. Lets begin, nice follow up to the last... strait into the action, once again i have a problemwith the scar/full metal truce... but at this point im gonna have to let that go. ONCE AGAIN youve given us a cliffhanger(*eyes tear up*, "how could you?"),*yawn*, um well it was good the syntax of your paragraphs was fine, grammar is a go, and it was an overall squared away passage. -hoping for a conclusion to this lil saga, Aniki...... *pokes you in side/ darts into crowd*...
| Reviewed By: Blake P. On: April 10, 2006 17:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
hey finally got around to doing this. its good so far, so keep writing. ive never rated fics b4 so im not gonna start now :P, maybe on one of ur later ones or after u get a little further with this one. i like it so far and ill read the next chapters when they come out. g/j baby and keep up the good work :)
| Title: soldier
Reviewed By: the incredulous, Drop Sama On: April 07, 2006 09:26 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
*cracks knuckles* ok Whitt... good follow up, quite enjoyable and as always... a cliffhanger but I knew that coming in. My only real quarrel with this chapter was the instigation and relative ease of the truce between our duo and scar, mainly becouse it was scars' idea. wtf? doesnt that break slightly from his carector model of the solem torn warrior, sworn to killing the state alchemists and here he had an opertunity to kill ed and he chooses to kidnap him as an accomplice? for all intensive purposes scar wouldve been more likely to let him go and then Ed (his concience stepping in) wouldve insisted he and al go forcing scar to allow them to tag along for the rescue. No? at least explain your reasoning in the passage. dont sacrafice quality for time restrainsts. Whitt my reviews are harsh becouse i care! at least its better than the drivel michael must write. lol. -peace, hope, and pokes.... then scurries away -Aniki
| Title: YAY!
Reviewed By: SnakeCharmerFoxx [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2006 22:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
YAY! Very enjoyable! I recommend that you change "drug" to "dragged" and break up your writing into more paragraphs where you can, so that it's easier to read -especially for people reading more than one chapter in a single sitting! LOLOL.....Other than that, good job! I'm waiting for the next chapter!
| Reviewed By: Drop Sama On: March 29, 2006 14:51 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
*cracks knuckles* Okies Whit, heres your review! At first I noticed decrepencies, blue eyes, blond hair, But thankfully I read the whole thing at once. the only true screw up is that no military personel would ever carry a .22 pistol(save the pre WW2 Germans, and that wa brief and limited). at the very least it would be a 9mm. all that aside it was very enjoyable, loved it... had to i mean i read the whole thing in one sitting. you had a few typos but im not one to judge, 'cause im sure this review will have plenty. the plot was good... original in its own right but still pretty "by the books", not an insult though, the FMA book is a great one.. and true origionality is damn near impossible these days, really though look at movies nowadays they're all redos of classics or based on comics (not always bad). i wouldnt be suprissed to see a "gone with the wind" remake. Anyway... its a hell of a lot better than anything lengthy that ive written or even concieved of.The suprise, suprise Homunculus thread is a tad bit thin along with the depression that follows suit ... damn Emo kids... Be happy you're alive and smart enough to know it! make a new life and just becouse its not your first, doesnt make it any less YOUR LIFE. But this is FMA after all and God forbid theres a happy ending!right?! Good job Whit, love ya and please, Finish it -the indomitable, insatiable, irresistable, irrational, irritating, Aniki. aka Drop peace and all love. hugs, kisses, pokes and cheek pinches upon you
| Title: Why whit........
Reviewed By: DragonDeity [MediaMiner Member] On: March 22, 2006 18:39 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Why do you do this to me. Its such a great fan fiction and you keep ending it in suspense. I hate suspense, it makes me think to much and thinking hurts. Its really really good though, it could almost be an episode of it. Keep it up, kk?
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