Title: Hmm...
Reviewed By: JoeysGal [MediaMiner Member] On: November 20, 2006 21:44 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I must say I really enjoyed reading your first chapter. I've been looking for some original Yuugiou horror stories to compare to my own (which isn't essentially horror, more thriller/drama... but I digress), and I really like how you interpreted Seto's dream. However "Dreamworld" just reminds me of the theme park I went to while vacating in Australia 3 years ago. Could you have not come up with a more original title for this mysterious realm? Also, I think you've ruined the story by adding an OC; especially how you went into detail on what coloured hair she had and what she typically wears. It takes the focus off of the whole idea of the story - a.k.a, this "Dreamworld". I think you could really make something of this story - just try not to include Lucretia too much. You could easily add the other Yuugiou characters in to add more creativity - after all, readers of anime want to read about the characters, not figments of an author's imagination, right? Please try not to be offended; consider it more constructive criticism - I really do think you have talent to turn this into something amazing.
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