| "The Colours Within" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] |
Title: Hiatus or Abandoned?
Reviewed By: Precious [MediaMiner Member] On: September 16, 2012 09:36 EDT
Comment/Review:
I'm cleaning out my favs of inactive stories. Has this become one? Darn shame to all if it has...Let me know with a email or chapter post. Thanks. |
Reviewed By: The Oujis Mate [MediaMiner Member] On: April 15, 2008 10:20 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey!!! Great fic!!! The whole scene between Yamcha and Bulma was really realistic. Anyone who's been in a long relationship and had to end it would agree. Can't wait for the next chapter!!!
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Reviewed By: Precious [MediaMiner Member] On: November 29, 2006 08:57 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I must say, I'm not sure why you don't have more reviews or visits. I chalk this up to the fact that most people have just put DBZ on the shelf for now. They don't know what they are missing! I am really picky about my Bulma/Vegeta fics since Tempting Temptation has spoiled me. She has shown them in character but slightly tweaked. And so have you alought your's are a bit more in character since this isn't an AU. The well thought out manner in which you portray everyone is not only highly appreciated but varely found. I love the fact that this story doesn't feel rushed. Most people just say "Yamcha cheated. Bulma dumped him." and march on with the story. You take the time to explain what happened, why things aren't working out. I noticed you spiced things up by using some of your own characters. At first I didn't exactly understand why you created them but I think I'm starting to. Maybe as things move along you will fully explain why Narumi thinks she, with all her bad "habits", deserves Vegeta. That's right I said DESERVE. Vegeta is the way he is because he had no control over his personal hells. She is purposely crapping up her own life, and everyone else's, just because she can and felt like it. Which really ticks me off. She should just cut her loses by stringing along her "boyfriend", since he will not have a happying ending, use him to support her habits and live life. I'm not sure that it is possible for her character to grow at all. And why in the world are the new employees so suicidal? If they wanted to gossip they should have done it off site at lunch. Even if Bulma didn't hear them, I'm sure the top company of scientist and inventors have some kind of survilance that would have picked up the conversation anyway. And if your boss tells you to leave the rumored maniac alone why do you purposely go try to talk to him? Nod/wave back and go along your way! I like your Goku. His has just the right amount of child-like wonder to make him in character. I laughed at the phone conversations he has because they honestly sound like something he would say. Innocently twisting the question just because he doesn't know better. I am happy with the part you gave Puar. Little guy is in a tight spot. Yamcha's thinking is..."normal", for a guy. I can see the twisted logic. But does he honestly think that he could marry her and still do whatever? He gets upset because he THINKS she is cheating but feels he is not hurting her when he KNOWS he is cheating. If you keep cutting the ropes holding your bridge eventually it will fall. Wow guess I rambled on enough. I look forward to the next chapter. Hope you can get it posted and written soon.I was sad when I realized the was no next chapter button. (I honestly tried to find and click it because I just KNEW there was more.) Sorry about the errors. At no point in my life shall I be a grammar goddess. But speaking or errors you might want to revise your chapters. Most mistakes are regualr writing mechanics. I can tell you think as you type verus wrtiing out your chapters and transfering them to the computer because of the kinds of mistakes I'm seeing. And your descriptions are wonderful! (Like Yamcha feeling like a rejected husband!) I find myself complimenting these keen details as I read since I despise using the character's name constantly. Oh, is Yamcha going to make a big deal out of proposing? I though he would do it at Christmas but I guess not. Can he afford a ring? And how the heck is Vegeta going to fix the engine? I know he will have to float aimlessly for a while but surely beging on ships all his life he can patch up something right? Opps, I'm still talking. I'll stop now...again....
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Reviewed By: Riven Liether [MediaMiner Member] On: September 01, 2006 06:08 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is truly great. I spent a good part of the night trying to find a serious and well-written Vegeta/Bulma fic, and thank goodness I came across yours. I sincerely hope that you post more of this soon, 'cause I'm itching to find out what happens next. ^^
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Reviewed By: ErieDragon [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2006 10:25 EDT
Comment/Review:
DAMN. Your writing is AMAZING these days! I'm really, really impressed with this. You've got such a good grip on your characters and your plot and everything, you're working it all like a master puppeteer. Good job, I hope to see some original work of yours published soon.
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Reviewed By: ErieDragon [MediaMiner Member] On: June 04, 2006 00:24 EDT
Comment/Review:
Good to know you're not dead! Can't wait to see more.
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Reviewed By: ErieDragon [MediaMiner Member] On: April 03, 2006 23:02 EDT
Comment/Review:
Sigh... This is awesome. It's so ironic that you started writing DBZ again, because I started watching just two weeks ago. The Saiyan Saga >>>> everything. Haha. Keep it up, this totally brightened my day.
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Reviewed By: ErieDragon [MediaMiner Member] On: March 28, 2006 20:44 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I can't believe you're writing again!! This is amazing. Where have you been? I like how this has started--your style has clearly improved. I can't wait to see where this is going.
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