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| "FullMetal Wolf" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Title: Very good ^^
Reviewed By: MAIDEN OF TIME AND SPACE [MediaMiner Member] On: June 09, 2006 17:39 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
^^U I finally got around to reading this! Anyways, it's very very good ^^ Update soon! --Kat
| Title: Fullmetal Wolf
Reviewed By: ShockWaveAlchemist69 On: June 05, 2006 18:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
wow, this was great, i little confusing at times but great. I hope you write some more. I'm starting to like the whole psychic thing.
| Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: May 30, 2006 19:06 CDT
Comment/Review:
Not bad, very interesting, though I have 2 issues. First, details suddenly appear, that you have no intro, no explanation, that occur in the story (Christian acting drunk, and Embar turning into a dragon?) THese events are not introduced, do not show some transition in events, it is very awkward. Besides this though, the story is engaging and fun to read. Still, think through the design of the events of the story more. OTher than these (perhaps not so) minor problems, it is an excellent story. Keep going, but keep editing too. Hell, ask for help from people too.
| Reviewed By: Lena M On: May 13, 2006 17:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
Great write! I loved the story so far. And the second chapter had me laughing my ass off lol. It was just funny to me, I don't know ha. It is a very interesting story though, and I just got absorbed in the thing somewhat. Now I want to read more so I know what the hell happens in the end. So yeah, very very good, can't wait for the next chapter. And don't worry about it being so long!
| Reviewed By: BlackMercifulFaerie [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2006 23:06 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
You read my fic, 'Levitas Fragosus' and I figured that I should write a reciprocal review, so to speak. ^_^ This is certainly and interesting idea. I've never seen a fic where Ed transforms into a werewolf . . . Oh, one thing that caught my attention: "And it was. By just a fraction of a second, but it was. Interesting. `It wasn't off just a few minutes ago, was it?' And yet, here he was, staring at a fractionally off-`What the FUCK was that?'" There seems to be a section missing here. It goes from werewolf!Ed looking at the clock, to Roy seeing the werewolf. However, we did not see Roy come into the living room. So the jump is rather confusing. There could be more details. I mean, like I said before, this is the first fic that I've seen where Ed transforms into a werewolf; however, you don't even describe the wolf version of him, save for what Roy mentions in passing about him being blonde. I want the description. I want to be able to see the rippling, taut muscles, the silken, blonde fur, and the saliva dribbling down his muzzled chin; I want to smell the hot, putrid breath and musk; and want to hear his snarling and growls and whimpers; I want to FEEL Roy's fear. Describe that. How do you feel when you're afraid? Think of the single most frightening moment in your life and then put down what you felt. Tightening in the chest, numbness in the limbs, heart and breath racing, the feel of your stomach dropping out, trembling . . . Show us. Make the reader feel what Roy is feeling upon coming into his living room, thinking he is going to see Edward having a nightmare and instead . . . he sees a NIGHTMARE. ^_^ Also, Roy's house. It's easy to write fics that take place at the office, because everyone knows what that looks like. But no one has seen Roy's house. Is it a large apartment? A manor? A plain house, like Hughes had? Is it a bachelor pad or is it intricately decorated? The furniture: couches, loveseat, recliner, wing-backed chairs? Are the leather, wicker, wood or metal? Where are they located in the room? What is the colour of the walls? The type of flooring: carpet, tiled, hardwood? (Do Ed's claws click against the surface?) Does Roy have a fireplace? Or bookshelves? A globe? A gueridon? Coffee table? Where in the room is this mirror Ed looks into? Or this clock? Is a wall clock or a grandfather clock? Make me feel like it's Roy's home and that he and Ed belong there. Make the reader feel like they are there with them. ^__^ You're doing a good job as far as originality goes. Work on description and you should be okay. Don't worry. The more you practice the better and easier it gets. Good luck. -Lina
| Title: Sage of insanity(that kinda title or ch title?)
Reviewed By: Kitsuna-chan On: April 05, 2006 23:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
0000000 hehehe Roy/Ed and ed's a wear wolf hu? Interesting... WRITE MORE PLEASE
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