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| "Are you there, God? It's me, Sheena" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: TenguHime On: January 27, 2008 01:36 CST
Comment/Review:
Aww, Lloyd is such an sweet idiot. Good writing; a little bit cheesy, I felt, but sometimes that works, so good job.
| Title: Not bad at all
Reviewed By: Jehuty Zero [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2008 18:20 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I must admit, though it was a bit chopy at parts, a rather enjoyable read if I do say so myself. Parts of the story sounded a bit like some of the skits from the game. All in all I thourally enjoyed the story. Keep it up.
| Title: Rather good
Reviewed By: MorrisonQuote [MediaMiner Member] On: June 24, 2006 01:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
What a breath of fresh air. Someone whose writing doesn't look like a five-year-old typed it. Aside from your grammar and what-not (which, as you can see, I ranked highly), the story was very original, for obvious reasons. However, your dialogue seems very choppy and abrupt ( I'm not entirely sure if it's these traits thatcharacterize stilted dialogue, but I'm tempted to use the term as a description of it.) I might suggest describing the current actions of the characters as they speak, a trick I use occasionally to help give the dialogue some fluidity. I also suggest trying to act out parts of the dialogue, which lets you feel whether the dialogue flows or not. If it sounds like you're repeating lines from an emergency bulletin when you repeat what you've written, chances are that's how it sounds to the person reading the piece. Finally, conjure up whatever memory you may have of 'the talk' that you might have gotten from your parents or wherever, and try emulating how your mentor(s) and you had the conversation. Other than these points and suggestions, I have little else to say on your fic. I'm happy to see that you seem to have put great care into making this piece, a trait that seems rather rare on such bastions of freedom as Mediaminer
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