| "The Red Servant" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] |
Reviewed By: DrewB1442 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 28, 2007 12:46 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
You need to fix the first and fourth chapter to make them more readable. Otherwise, this is a very well done story.
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Reviewed By: Vilkath [MediaMiner Member] On: January 31, 2007 05:05 CST
Comment/Review:
I don't mind the whole Master/slave dynamic, but I can't say I am into such degrading abusive use of it. He kiss's that mouth doesn't he? Like most reviewers I agree, some spacing is despertly needed in chapter 4. Plot and characterization is rather rushed, and the sex acts are not that great. The punishments are rather well thought out, if not a little disturbing, but the actual sex part is generic and bland. I feel this story could use a little more time at developing the characters. Why Asuka likes it, how she feels, why shinji does it? Is he just his fathers son? God help the world if he is. Overall i could gone for more erotic punishments then gross humiliations. Having Asuka join Shinji with another girl, perhaps even Ritsuke and Maya, Rei? Have her help her master increase his harem? Get hikari into the picture. Oral after anul sex is bad enough, just glad you didn't include him peeing down her throat or other more disgusting things.
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Title: um...
Reviewed By: zamba136 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 30, 2007 17:13 CST
Comment/Review:
not a big bondage fan, myself, but it's cool. the only thing i'd say is to fix chapter 4
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Reviewed By: Kail Blade [MediaMiner Member] On: November 03, 2006 08:30 CST
Comment/Review:
Fix the layout of chapter 4, its too hard to read the way it is. It should be the same as the previous chapters
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Title: Needs work
Reviewed By: Sunhawk [MediaMiner Member] On: October 30, 2006 19:09 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Really, this story needs two things: a) A re-write, focused on style and body quality. Very poorly written, although I didn't notice any egregious spelling errors. b) More material. A scene does not a chapter make.
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Title: It just doesn't compare
Reviewed By: KoroshiyaZwei [MediaMiner Member] On: August 19, 2006 01:45 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
This fic reads like you hastily put it together after reading Psianogen's story Asuka's Punishment. And I put great emphasis on "Hastily". Neither is it as readable or enjoyable as AP, and the use of present-tense form doesn't help it any better. What point is there to a story like this when there's a better one (Asuka's Punishment) just a page or two away?
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Reviewed By: Rahhel [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2006 11:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Too bad you already finished that. I would have liked to see the lessons Shinji got. Hope you write again. Keep it up.
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Reviewed By: Rahhel [MediaMiner Member] On: June 07, 2006 20:28 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is pretty intersting. Update soon. Keep it up.
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