| "Alternate Lives" Reviews/Comments [ 9 ] |
Reviewed By: HeartStar [MediaMiner Member] On: September 25, 2008 01:28 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh i do hope that you will continue this
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Reviewed By: Foxy100 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 14, 2007 20:54 CST
Comment/Review:
the story is really good, can't wait till you make more chaps.
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Reviewed By: dudekiller [MediaMiner Member] On: July 28, 2006 01:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
sorry for not reveiwing sooner. i like this chap. good job. please update soon.
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Reviewed By: dudekiller(nsi) On: June 04, 2006 09:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
this seems like a really cool story. please please please please update soon.
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Title: Nice
Reviewed By: Kurai Kyusobin [MediaMiner Member] On: May 31, 2006 01:23 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Overall very interesting I wish I could have read the original. I enjoy the duel realities, two Kagomes should make a very interesting story. I would also like to use this moment to thank you as well. Thank you.
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Reviewed By: Midnight_Moon On: May 30, 2006 21:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
The story sounds really interesting Hope that you update soon. I would really like to see what happens next. :D
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Reviewed By: Ethril Dragon [MediaMiner Member] On: May 28, 2006 19:06 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like reviews that help my writing style to improve. So I am thankful that you gave me the critism in the first place. Thank you for the help.
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Reviewed By: InusDemoness [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2006 20:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like the changes you've made. Though I doubt that you care if I like anything right now. Really it wasn't meant to be insulting, it was just honest constructive criticism.
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Reviewed By: InusDemoness [MediaMiner Member] On: May 25, 2006 13:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
It has an interesting plot and is written pretty well except for a few things. When Sesshoumaru was rambling off that list of what everyone was doing it sounded like you were using it for a double purpose. He was telling Kagome what her friends were doing in the battle but I think you also used that as a opportunity to tell us who they were in this alternate world. Like the line "Kaede, your mother...", in doing this you made it sound like she didn't know who these people were. I understand that you wanted us to know who they were and the different relationships that were in this alternate world but doing it all in one stroke like that just made a problem. You could have explained the relationships more as the story went on. Like when they found her injured and said they needed to get her to Kaede and she said "You know my mother?" that could have how we found out that Kaede was her mother. You didn't have to tell it all at once like that. Another thing was when she was moaning Sesshoumaru's name over again and why he sent her there. That was odd because it seemed out of character even for an alternate Kagome. You made her very strong sounding when she was fighting and then to have her moaning and whimpering, even in pain, was a step back from the personality you had already built up for her. And saying his name the way she did "Sesshoumaru, oh Sesshoumaru" was just funny because soon as I heard that I thought "Romeo, oh Romeo!" so that line was a little over the top. Also it made her sound a little dumb because she knows why he sent her there, to keep her safe. You could have had her say something like "Sesshoumaru I should be there helping you." then that could be used to make our Inuyasha and company think that she's hit her head or something. I think you should watch out for things like these two because they make your story telling skills suffer. But other than that I would keep reading if you kept updating.
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