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| "Brain Candy" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: mrs.cena5646 On: January 05, 2007 12:50 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think that you did an amazing job on the story.I really felt their emotions.I hope you continue this story with a huge plot twist that is something like the cloaked figure is really Sirius because they framed his death so that he could do more spying for the Order .Then he finds her one day and tells here the whole story and she tells him that she never stopped loving him and then they embark on all kinds of things .You can do whatever you want but that was just an idea.
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: Kari Izumi [MediaMiner Member] On: October 14, 2006 17:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hi! :) I'm glad you submitted this to the FFRG. These are the kinds of fics we enjoy reading over, to help improve ones writing. First of all, I liked the interactions of the Mauraders. Their personalities seem pretty close to what they are in the books, so good job there. I can't say I cared much about Sabe all that much, one way or the other. I appriciate that you were trying not to make your character an uber Mary Sue-type, and it was refreshing not to see her turn from an ugly duckling to a swan to get Sirius's eye; however, I didn't get what her motivations were for being so mean and distant from her peers. She's a bookworm, sure, and Sirius is a popular guy, but he hadn't done anything besides that to offend her. I felt the overall plot seems way too cliche. I know that by the end Sirius has come to relax around her and vice-versa, but there was little in the writing to draw me into the idea of them being a couple, such as a common interest. While overall lacking in execution, this idea for a story is a pretty good one nonetheless. Perhaps you could find someone else who'd be willing to help you out a little more than I'm able to in this review at this thread: http://forum.mediaminer.org/index.php?t=msg&th=30180&prevloaded=1&a mp;&start=0 I hope this review doesn't discourage you from writing, but it seems like you care a lot since you were brave enough to post your story for people to comment on, so good job there. :)
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