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| "Protection" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: Electric_Sapphire [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2007 21:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Humm... I like that although a lot of the story focuses on Scar, you also make sure to show Alphonse's side of everything, too. Throw in a side of Winry and- ROY? Okay, I admit that you blindsided me there. It was good, though- keep those surprises coming, hon! It also throws a huge wrench into the gears between Al and Scar, so there's guaranteed to be angst and tension from now on. I tell you, I'm rapidly becoming a fangirl of this story! Backtracking a little, I think it was sweet of Al to be buying Scar a Valentine's Day gift, and kind of funny with the way Winry was trying (and not succeeding) to help him with the shopping. And then Scar turns him away, mistaking Al's sweetness for pity... *crying and brain-melting at the same time* Seriously, sweetheart, you're paying for my neural surgery bills, here! I review, you pay for my surgery- that's equivalent exchange, isn't it?
| Reviewed By: Electric_Sapphire [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2007 20:48 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
So... it's just been bugging me that Winry keeps on leaving Scar food on a tray on his lap, knowing full well he doesn't have arms and can't pick anything up or eat by himself. Maybe she thinks that he'll... uh... well, I can't think of any way Scar could do it. I just can't. On another note, I can definitely see him refusing to eat anything- and it's canon, too. He wouldn't take the food that Rick and Leo tried to give him when he was injured in the refugee camp, either, so props for that. Hmmm... the shower is outside, but it's made of clear glass? In the anime it was a wooden stall. Just thought I'd mention- but you're so totally forgiven! I'm not sure whether Alphonse was in the stall with Scar, or if he was just outside the door, but Scar was naked and Al was washing him and they were talking and did I mention he was naked and it was a shower... *brain melts* Okay, so there was no sex or even any sex-like activities, but... *brain melts all over again* Forgiven, my dear, for everything! Now that Scar has automail I guess there'll be no more Alphonse/Scar shower scenes, but on the other hand there can be hugging, and petting, and holding... *third brain melt* Your description of the surgery had me on the edge of my seat for a while, and I realised after I was done the chapter that I'd been clutching my shoulder as I read. Call it stress and good writing. In the manga, it's mentioned several times that automail rehabilitation takes a long time and is quite painful, so Scar would be struggling a little with the new automail. Finally, although you've got a good grasp on Winry's character, I'm not sure Scar would feel quite so vindictive towards her. Annoyed, maybe, but extremely grateful and tolerant. Until next time!
| Reviewed By: Electric_Sapphire [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2007 20:27 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
So, I look and you have nine chapters posted... and two reviews. TWO. TWO! A couple, a pair, one plus one- two! Why? How could so many people overlook such a great story? Over a hundred people read it, so you should have, by rights, over a hundred reviews... and you have two. Outrage! Horror! Indignancy! So I'm going to review every single chapter. For the first chapter... you need a beta. You really, really do. In my ratings, I noted that while you've got a good style and a good story going, your grammar, punctuation, and spelling need work. I'd be overjoyed to be your beta- helping to put the polish on this fic would send me right to the moon. You have a unique characterization of Scar, I think. It's a lot more human than most, but it definitely shows that he's both stubborn and weak, by turns. I enjoy his interaction with Alphonse (and can I just take this chance to say, OMG, Scar/Al yaoi! *Fangirling!* I love you!), and Scar's reaction to Pinako's stern mothering was right on target. Although I personally couldn't write a first-person POV to save my life, you've done it wonderfully. So, all in all- great story, but it needs a little work. Contact me, please, and I'll gladly help you with all the grammar and punctuation issues!
| Reviewed By: Ficfan3484 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 09, 2006 09:05 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love this story. I'm curious what covet wants...Go Scar and Al!! Please update soon.
| Reviewed By: .... On: June 24, 2006 06:24 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
omg, i LOVED it. this was the first ScarxAl i have ever read!!!! It rocked!!!! but, i still don't agree on the whole RoyxAl bit. sorry, but i think that Roy is for Ed. but still GREAT story!!!
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