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| "Eternal struggle" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Psychlone [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2006 15:54 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
This chapter, not only short and gruelingly disgusting in the middle, was also substandard. Lack of description is prominant, so work on the descriptions, not only that, but the paragraph system still hasn't changed any. Not to mention that this chapter was a little gross.
| Reviewed By: Psychlone [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2006 15:51 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
This fiction's first chapter was substandard at best. I have not yet gotten to read the second chapter so if you have fix the problems I am about to mention, then please forgive and ignore this. But your paragraphs(or actually, paragraph) is too jumbled up. When one person speaks, you are suppose to start a new paragraph for when another speaks. Also when subject change, from say talking about food to school or something along those lines, a new paragraph must be issued. The grammar was good, same with the spelling, but some sentances were run on and the descriptions were vague and uninteresting, not an attention grabber.
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