Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: staindgrey [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2006 23:25 CDT
Comment/Review:
Alright, you got your wish, I'm reviewing it in time for the contest. I'm entering it too so I know having someone else's opinion is a great thing to have. Anyway, there are a few problems I found with this. One is simple careless mistakes like most authors do, such as one point I believe you used "out" instead of "our", "began" instead of "begin", and I think you left out a word somewhere... Just read through slowly a few times to correct every mistake you can find. Secondly, I think for a simple one-shot like this, you gave more information than needed. I'm not a huge fan of the Ronin Warriors myself, but I did know enough to get the jist of what was going on. You don't need to explain every detail of every character present when only a few of them have meaningful parts. To be honest, I was starting to get bored only three paragraphs into the story; that's not something you want in a contest fic. Lastly, you tended to make things too wordy to the point they were almost run-on sentences. Just keep in mind that sometimes less is more- if you can explain it simply, don't add extra words just to make it more complicated. Now at some points your use of words was great, like the opening description of the sunset. I love your writing at parts like that, but you just need to cut some of the unimportant stuff out to make sure those phenominal parts stand out. As for plot, it's engaging enough; not too spectacular, but not bad either. Just edit the story to let key moments stand out more and I'm sure you'll do fine in the contest. (Oh, and you don't need to use "ex-" as much as you do, or italicize Japanese words. I think the judges will be fine without that.) Sorry if this review seemed overly critical, but I wanted to make sure I pointed out absolutely everything that bothered me when I read it since this is for a contest. I can tell you're a good writer, so keep it up and good luck.
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