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| "Breakaway" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: happybunnies [MediaMiner Member] On: August 03, 2006 16:24 CDT
Comment/Review:
wow...what scary comments >.< but i liked your story =D
| Reviewed By: kitsuna [MediaMiner Member] On: August 01, 2006 17:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
Also, u spelled 'Kyubi' wrong. It's actually spelled Kyuubi. a.k.a. Kyuubi no Kitsune. In the show...they pay with yen, not American money. Remember the beta advise.
| Reviewed By: kitsuna [MediaMiner Member] On: August 01, 2006 17:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
You seriously freaking NEED a beta. Good luck finding one who is willing to help with this fic. You have DAMN bad grammer and just because u changed the names of 'kyubi''s weapons, you seriously stole the Tetsusaiga and Tenseiga. You should at least put some effort into your writing style and a more original fic without stealing big things from shows, mainly Inuyasha. If I were you i would remove this fic and revise the entire thing, fixing all the mistakes, learning from them, and rewriting the details and some of the plot. This is constructive criticism. Use it.
| Reviewed By: Crazy_Killa On: July 29, 2006 18:26 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
the story line is good but you have some major grammer problems and i mean major. i say that you should revise your first 3 chapters, cuz some of the things you put in there just dont make sense. also it is kinda obvious that you stole a lot of stuff from Inuyasha like the attacks that 'kyubi' did. also when you revise your chapters (if you do) change the names of 'Kyubi's' attacks it will help the story go a lot smoother, and by the way the first attack and the second attack that 'Kyubi ' used to defeat the demons both sounded the same even though you put down different names. like i said before grammer is the main weak pointin this fic so i say a good way to check up on it is to copy it on to microsoft word and let it do the work for you. im not trying to be harsh or anything but this is a good way to start learning how to write fics, like by letting the computer do all the work for you ^-^ don't you just love technology, cuz it helps up cover up our own misgivings. well that is all i got, keep up all the good work c ya l8r
| Reviewed By: Dustin Imthurn dog demon [MediaMiner Member] On: July 20, 2006 17:45 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm sorry for this but THIS FICK SUCKS ASS
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