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| "the jewels wish" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: InusDemoness [MediaMiner Member] On: August 16, 2006 12:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 2 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your punctuation needs some work. You have periods everywhere even when you haven't written a whole sentence. So your story is basically full of fragments. For example, "Kagome sighed. So it was finally over. She could go home. Back to tests and friends and dates with Hojo and..."(note: I'm using quotes to surround the text because it was taken from your story. I know the characters weren't actually talking.) You have far too many periods in this when it should have been either commas or semicolons. It should have been written "Kagome sighed; it was finally over and she could go home. She could go back to tests, friends, and dates with Houjo..." You need to go back and make all those fragments into complete sentences. If you need help you could find a beta reader or sometimes a really good spell check program can catch fragments. And "time-consuming" does not need a hyphen between it it should just be "time consuming". You should also be aware that if these problem exist in this story then they probably exist in your other stories. I would suggest you check those too.
| Reviewed By: Jezi futhark [MediaMiner Member] On: July 17, 2006 14:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
wow this is really cool. the jewel is odd as always. up asap okay?
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