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| "Dispersing Illusions" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Ender_kb [MediaMiner Member] On: September 05, 2007 14:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your writing style is awesome and I think you have a great imagination. You have a great talent. Your descriptive techniques are beautiful and awe-inspiring. You gave a unique ending to this story which I applaud you for. It was very emotionally driven. I agree that you should get a beta-reader, but not solely for your spelling/grammer, but for the story telling flow and POV. You said that this was suppose to be in Miroku's POV, but it wasn't the whole time. It was more of an omniscient POV. If you choose a POV then you need to stick to it. That's the only problem I really saw. I loved the story!!
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: February 04, 2007 11:23 CST
Comment/Review:
You obviously have great writing talent and can deal with some harder lessons of writing. I would suggest if you don't have a beta reader yet that you get one because there was at least one typo error, in me peace I assume you mean: in my peace. One thing you should focus on is not telling the reader aspects of the characters. An example, you talk about Inu-Yasha's characteristic scowl, if you've got an unfamiliar reader on your hands, how do they know what that looks like. Describe things the first time they happen, so the reader can establish an image, rather than being given a set of empty words. Another thing, the beginning does not entirely lead to the end. You put a large emphasis on the group breaking apart, but in the end they fight together with nothing showing how they can even stand each other. A few suggestions are to either show them getting back to the point that they can stand fighting alongside each other, or have them break themselves up before the fight even begins. From where your story was going it was the team that was breaking themselves up, not Naraku. Other than that, it is very well written, you have some incredible descriptions and very strong emotional responses. Very nicely done, and keep submitting to FFRG.
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