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| "Erased In A Moment" Reviews/Comments [ 43 ] | | Pages (3): [ 1 2 3 › » ] | Reviewed By: JadenFlame On: September 05, 2008 23:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow...that was so oddly different that it was great!
| Reviewed By: loretta537 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 31, 2008 19:35 CDT
Comment/Review:
this is a great story, please continue it. i want to know what happens to king enma, also koenma said that her family's memory of her was erased but it doesnt say if the demons she knew in the past had their memory erased. since there was no division of worlds back then (at least i think so) enma wouldnt know who her friends were so what would happen if they found out how she had been treated. even if sesshomaru never became friends with kagome he probably would be upset at king enma behaving so dishonorably not to mention everyone else.
| Reviewed By: SilverDrache On: January 29, 2008 18:36 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
There is nothing wrong with you as an author. You have the best portraits of Heie that I have ever come across of, an amazing ability to write breath taking lemons, as well as the fact that you have at the very least a dozen wonderful one-shots. I would love for you to continue on with this, showing the fool king the consenquences of his actions, as well as showing what is going on with the rest of the Spirit Team. Please, please do not stop writing.
| Reviewed By: Starlet Angel [MediaMiner Member] On: November 30, 2006 02:39 CST
Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed this story! If you ever decide to do a sequel to it, I'd really enjoy reading it! I know that this is a rather generic review, but know that I really enjoy reading your stories. And I hope you continue to write! You have a wonderful imagination! Keep that muse in your corner!
| Reviewed By: crazyrandomperson0520@yahoo.com On: September 10, 2006 22:41 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've only read less than half of the first chapter, but as of now, I can say that you've done a great job with overall tone. I liked the vocabulary selection as well, everything seems to fit. However, there are some areas in which you could improve. First, I would suggest the employment of sensory imagery. As Far as I can tell, all descriptions of the setting are based on a character's eyes. I can see everything, and that is wonderful in itself, but you're missing the "in" factor, which is what I call the achievement of the author making the reader feel like they're actually "in" the story. FOr example: What did the operation room smell like? Was it bland and sterile, or metallic with the scent of blood? Was the operating table cold or warm on her skin? Also, when you said that "Pain coursed through her body but still she fought on," how bad was the pain? Was it the worst she had ever felt? Stinging or aching pain? Where was the pain centered? And did the bleep of the monitors echo in the room? WHat kind of room was it? Metal, stone walls? Grey? I know that some authors like to let readers imagine things for themselves, but there's only so much a reader can do to put temselves into the story. Second, I want to see a few right-branched modifiers thrown in here and there. Use these for a close up or a pan out of a scene. If a face is sneering, the right branched modifier would be "Her face was set into a nasty sneer, NOSE SCRUNCHED, EYES SQUINTED." That's a close up, a pan out would put the whole scene into perspective. Meter is another thing that could use work. For some reason, the rythym seems to become redundant and boring (no offense meant). I can't tell you how to fix it, especially since it's an area in which I lack myself, but changing up the lengths and structures of your sentences should help some. Last but not least, I think that it wouldn't hurt to include more similes, metaphors and alliterations. They can help with meter by making your normal piece of prose turn into something more poetic-sounding. A teacher once told me that a writer's goal is to create the perfect sentence, and these are certainly included in many great sentences (that sounded silly, didn't it?). Well, I hope I've been a help with my constructive criticism, of course you know that no offense was meant, and I can't wait to continue reading this. I love lengthy stories!
| Reviewed By: Sesshi-sama [MediaMiner Member] On: September 09, 2006 23:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
noooo! you can't stop with the crossovers! your one of the only decent Hiei/kag writers I know! please dont stop!
| Reviewed By: Mrs cake (Not logged in) On: September 03, 2006 22:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Perfect! I love the story line. The way you made the characters so... so much like their characters! You have wonderful grammer, please tell me there's a sequel?!
| Reviewed By: Angoli [MediaMiner Member] On: September 01, 2006 02:31 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Once again, beautiful chapter, your are by far one of my favorite authors... I just wish I could read these more often! I don't have internet access on home, so I go to my Fathers every now and then when I know no one is going to be awake and read you stories... I know it can be very hard to continue to write because of the lack of reviews, they feed the fire for your muse, and I am sorry for not reviewing more often! Rest assured though, I read your stuff at every oppertunity I get6 and still enjoy it more than any other book, magazine, fanfictions, ect that I have read.
| Reviewed By: FlameoftheMiko On: August 29, 2006 15:03 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Aw! It was so sweet in a well slight disturbed kind of way. I'm sorry people aren't reviewing you! You write such inspired creative stories that I'm sad you won't be working on them as often. Well it's your own perogative I suppose. Well I really liked this one so thanks for writeing it. ~A constant fan (even she does despise reviewing lol) Flame of the Miko
| Reviewed By: Reltica_Rune [MediaMiner Member] On: August 28, 2006 05:55 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
WOW. just wow. That i must say was one of the best fin fics, of that particular couple I have ever had the pleasure of reading i look forward to reading anything further you write. your ability to keep the characters as close to acurate is more then i could ever do. and personaly i like how you hadd the whole story as 1 chapter as opposed to many less assel with clicking anoying chapter buttons. i dont often feel like revewing but i felt the story was worth it.
| Reviewed By: Ryu Sama [MediaMiner Member] On: August 25, 2006 22:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
i really hope your not gonna be ending this story here. that was a very well thought out story. at first i didnt like how you had the characters develope so quickly, but it kinda worked. that was one of the best endings i ever read too. kudos for a very original plotline, its nice to know that there is a better story out there than the "kagome gets mad, kagome goes home and meets spirit detectives, kagome dumps inu yasha and falls for one or more spirit detectives, yada yada yada." you were able to keep me interested. like many who have reviewed this story, i have read basically all of your work, and i admire your sense of originality. i never really left reviews cuz i never really knew what to say other than "wow". your amazing. keep up the good work
| Reviewed By: thyme_cat [MediaMiner Member] On: August 25, 2006 16:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like long chapters, and I enjoy this story. I think the story might be more interesting with more characters, but the interaction between the dragon and the shikon has potential. I like your cross-overs (are you going to finish blood red moon?) and this is good, but just the beginnning, right? I don't review often because I don't always log-in... sorry. Please don't stop writting. ^_^
| Reviewed By: Bruce n' Charlie On: August 25, 2006 11:49 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a great story and I like the fact that you decided to condense all of the previous chapters into one long chapter. That makes it easier to keep trac of. The plot line is really good to, can't wait wait for an update or another story. Bruce n' Charlie
| Title: ...
Reviewed By: Majiin Yusuke (nli) On: August 22, 2006 22:59 CDT
Comment/Review:
OMFG! It tis WONDEROUSE! EEKY! i love it!
| Title: Great Chapter
Reviewed By: halfblackwolfdemon [MediaMiner Member] On: August 22, 2006 21:23 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I agree with a few of the chickies up there! You are my FAVORITE authoress, but, if you feel the need to rest, by all means go for it! -I loved the ending, and if there is a sequal, i crave it. --Also, i'm sorry i haven't reviewed, but my com went wonky, and wouldn't let me do the dang thing. i tried, and tried, and tried, pluse school started and... *sighs while falling on bed* I need a nap. ---Great work though! Absolutly one of your top ones! ^________________________^ Hope your break shall help you, and can't wait for more updates! ^___________________________________________^ -Mitsuko
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