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| "Sixteen" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Impressed! On: October 27, 2006 17:31 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I absolutely loved this fic! Brilliantly crafted, the pace is great and I like that you've managed to make all the characters so far grow but not become drammatically OOC. Please keep up the great work and update soon!
| Title: good story
Reviewed By: Paniwi [MediaMiner Member] On: August 28, 2006 13:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oh, I like it, I'm usually not really into fics with the Kaiba's, but this was very well done. I liked in the first chapter how you didn't immediately shoved the entire 'gang' together but kept it at Yugi, which made it, especially for their age, much more realistic. There was no overzealous drama either, I liked how you portrayed the way Seto and Mokuba regard eachother. I was also rather impressed at the sequence where you showed Mokuba's way of viewing things of always being 'kaiba's little brother'. Not overly dramatic but still makes you feel sad for Mokuba. You've shown a good inside in how teenagers think. It's only logical for Mokubah to think the way he does. I did pick up on two things: At one point you have Kaiba stating: Gimme your car keys You explained why he apologized and cursed at Mokubah, which was well done but somehow I can't really imagine Kaiba using the word 'gimme' It doesn't really fit in his speech pattern. One other thing I noticed was this: Yuugi sweat-dropped Big mistake! I'm sorry, but 'sweatdrop' is not a verb, never was and never will be, don't use it, please. Other from that what mostly bugged me was the use of 'ni-sama' and suffixes and the likes, but since you didn't use random japanese in a sentence I think that, that is just a personal preference of mine. Well, done, good story, I hope to see more of it!
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