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| "The Saddest Song" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: Saanrio [MediaMiner Member] On: July 22, 2007 21:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
This seemed like an interesting story when I read the summary, and the intro wasn't bad. However, when you started interspersing German in the middle of sentences, you lost me completely. I couldn't even finish reading the first part because it was such a distraction. I understand the use of entire sentences in German to help give the point of view of the Weiss characters who have little to no understanding of the language, but that might be better done by a descriptive sentence rather than actually putting in a lot of German that most who don't speak any German at all will not even bother to read, much less try to understand. Again, this did seem like you had an interesting thought, and I encourage you to keep writing. However, you may want to consider revising this at some point to make it more readable.
| Reviewed By: Taro1 On: September 13, 2006 07:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Please just PLEASE search for someone to correct your german sentences. You know, I'm german myself and it's very confusing to read tidbits and larger bits of german words and sentences thrown into an english text. especially if the grammar is off. go on writing, that's the only way you can improve. But how about trying your hand at original stories, not fanfics? your stories nearly never have anything in common with the fandoms anymore...
| Reviewed By: Kokuyousen On: September 07, 2006 18:32 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
Pretty good fic thus far, although a few parts are a bit 'blurry' to me. (So to speak) I'm pretty sure English isn't your first language, but providing translations for the masses of German text in your fic would make reading a bit easier. :/ Seeing as all translators(Ex: Babelfish) are horrid. You really shouldn't stop writing. Although...if you write only to gain reviews.(Which are almost NEVER given on mediaminer, fyi.)Then theres really no point in writing at all. u_u Just my two cents.
| Reviewed By: Alexandria@upyours.com On: August 15, 2006 15:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
God, it's on this site, also?! Well, this moving rather slowly. I mean, if this is climax of the story, I would hate to see what the ending would be like. I know that most authors draw out their chapters to keep the readers "interested", but perhaps readers aren't interested in this kind of thing, so maybe you should stop now, while you're ahead. Not, that you're ahead by much. But so far, it seems that this kind of thing has been done before. I mean, "Schwarz sent to assassinate them, Weiß to protect them. Who will win?" It's painfully obvious who will win. In stories like this, the good guys always win. They can't afford the death of a rock group, now, can they? Especially one that is "popular". Another thing, it might also be good to keep the characters, IN (in character). People read fanfics because they like the characters the way they are. Seriously, if you're going to do stuff like that, at least *warn* the people. It's only fair. One other thing, you need to be more descriptive about the beats to the songs. It's hard enough to image what the song would be like since it's already in German. Speaking of being descriptive, I think it would also be wise to explain what a character looks like, how they're feeling. And possibly, some time soon, I hope, that you explain fully what a "Natural" is. It might do something to help the plot here. For a full rating, I give you about half a star. It's all too obvious on what's going to happen next, and I'm sure people who read this review will agree with me. You need something to spice it up. You know, something like a sudden character death. I mean, I just read three chapters of crap, and it didn't make me want to read more. I'm sorry, but half a star it is. I doubt there is anything you can do to make this any better. To put it in layman's terms, this story is really weak. So, if you want people to review, I suggest you had better do some improving, otherwise, you'll get nothing. --Alexandria.
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