| "Boy ! Don't mess with Hilary or Kai !" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] |
Reviewed By: SKYD On: April 26, 2008 21:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
GOOD STORY
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Reviewed By: Inch Girl On: October 23, 2006 02:47 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh ha that was great. I loved the way Kai acted. It was a great story line and well written. As for it being your first one shot things can only get better. i cant wait to read more of your work.Keep it up! ^.^
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Reviewed By: horsesrocketh [MediaMiner Member] On: September 08, 2006 22:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
this fic was awesome!!!i really hope you keep writing fics like this!
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Reviewed By: Rahul Sanghvi On: August 25, 2006 05:46 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
More description of the settings would help... Using more imagery wud be useful... Cut on the description in the second part of every sentence containing the dialogues a little. Sometimes you need to be able to convey the mood and the tone of the dialogue by the words of the dialogue, without describing it with things like "said angrily" or "replied and answered". Flow of events is reasonably smooth and sounds natural, but adding bits of surprises ( ones that would actually surprise anyone with an IQ > 0 ) would hold the reader's interest much better. The style of writing, while quite suitable to this kind of a piece, may be a problem writing almost any other kind of prose. Be a little more careful with the punctuations. There are 25-30 punctuation errors in this piece that I cud see at the first instance. Characterisation, though not original, is consistent, and there are no glaring inconsistencies in any character's behaviour, dialogues and actions. That might, however, be much more difficult to achieve when characters are your own. It might also add a lot of value to describe the thoughts of characters a little more in this kind of a piece. You may also want to link it a little with the characters' histories to make it better as fan fiction.
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Reviewed By: Devil Domain On: August 23, 2006 00:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I went thru wat u hav written... Its really gud.. its much more kinda break frm the usual stuff... U r awesome girl... Keep up d gud work... Hope u do even better the next time u set out to write.. i really njoyed readin thru it...
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Title: Boy! Don't Mess with Hilary or Kai
Reviewed By: krystalMage aka Amrita On: August 22, 2006 01:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey! That was a really fun fic! You did very well in that fic. Ok, you wanted constructive criticism, so here it is. You know your characters well, and manage to give them all adequate space to express their ideas, which is good. Your plot is also focussed and you now where you're going with the story, all of which are very important when wriitng. since this is a one shot it becomes even more important to get descriptons right,they must be concise and lucid yet engaging. So far from whatever fics I've read of yours, I don't think you have a problem accomplishing that. I really enjoyed the fic despite never watching Beyblade. Keep up the good work, and maybe in future you could try writing longer fics. GREAT JOB!!!:)
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Reviewed By: MannC On: August 18, 2006 11:42 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Dis was one of the most funniest fan fic dat I ever read wid so many surprise elements!!!all I wud say is KEEP UP D GUD WORK YAAR!!!!
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