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| "Fire Emblem: POR~Funny That" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: nice
Reviewed By: DIPLOMATIC_FOX [MediaMiner Member] On: December 27, 2006 15:54 CST
Comment/Review:
using fe:por if Ike really needs love lessons use Zelos Wilder from ToS
| Reviewed By: Iamanonymous!ZOMG! On: September 24, 2006 02:25 CDT
Comment/Review:
I think Mediaminer hates me. Seems my last review ended up lacking any breaks between paragraphs, for some reason. Hope you can still read it.
| Reviewed By: Iamanonymous!ZOMG! On: September 24, 2006 02:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
An interesting idea, that doesn't seem to have been used so far in this fandom (for reasons I can't even begin to fathom). You also seem to have considerable talent in writing. This is a promising start. HOWEVER... The part about "intended OOCness" worries me. If a character is going to do something Out Of Character, there should be a darned good reason for it. In that spirit, let's look at how you've portrayed the characters so far, eh? Ike: The fainting, while out of character, was also well explained. Everything else seemed mostly in character, except for the little thought process he had when he learned about Stefan's crazy plan. I cannot picture Ike thinking to himself "Blah blah blah... NOT!". His general assessment of the situation was IC, but the way he thought it out was unexplained OOC (does that make sense?). Still, fairly good overall. Just watch out that you don't make him act like a modern-day teenager, kay? Stefan: No problems whatsoever here. I can easily picture him doing something like this. Next. Titania: Nothing bad so far, but you've got me worried about the future chapters. While I can see her giving Ike "the talk" if you will, I think it'd be more of a motherly fashion than the "girly" way you've described the coming talk as. If that was what you had planned, feel free to ignore this part. I'm just a tad worried you'll make Titania into a... well, airhead, for lack of a better term. Lethe: Ah, here we come to the biggest problem I have with this story. Lethe threatening Ike to tell his feelings to Elincia? Eh? I'm sorry, but unless she's got some kind of ulterior motive, I can not see her caring even slightly that he even has these feelings, much less whether he tells the princess or not. Of course, this could open up a new plot point... Stefan convincing her to go along with his little plan could be very interesting, if you'd like to write that scene. My last concern about this story is quite minor and has nothing to do with characterization. It's about your use of the phrase "High feelings". It's one of those things that's rather easy to overuse (especially since I've never seen it before this fic in my life), so you might want to consider replacing it with "warm feelings" or just "feelings" in a couple cases. Not all, just a few areas. Well, I hope that you found this helpful. Good luck with this, I'll be checking up on your future chapters!
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