Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: November 21, 2006 03:13 CST
Comment/Review:
Neh, I'm wirting this because hey, when I write I like to get feedback myself. So I know how satisfying it is to hear other's commentary on your work. In truth, its a fact. Anyway, first off, the style you use is okay. It is a litte vague, and tells what's going on instead of showing what is going on. To explain, when you're writing prose, fiction, literature, anything that isn't an essay, your goal is to descrbie the action. When you say it, it distract's the reader, and separates them from the actual story. THe idea is, really, to engross the reader in what they see on teh page by making them actually feel the story. With that in mind, I think the Takato/Jenrya is not in cannon, though possible with teh characters, though pretty AU. In truth , a Ruki/Takato pairing is more likely. Still, Henry and Takato is a cute pairing, though one I, admittedly, don't think would happen. Still, the story is AU, so it's possible. Anyway, keep writing, and rewriting, it is the role of the author to edit their work to their own satisfaction, and even continuing to edit, even after the work is first shown to others. So go back, edit what you've already done, and show us readers what you've got. (In case it isn't obvious, I like the idea of the story; just because I doubt it could happen doesn't mean I don't mind I don't appreciate it. Anyway, keep on writing, this might be interestign to continue reading.
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