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| "Mistress" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: kj On: July 21, 2008 11:28 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
IT was awesome. i mean i've always wanted to read a fanfic like this and MAN did you write! U rock, dude! U rock the whole fuckin' house
| Reviewed By: Dark Weezing [MediaMiner Member] On: March 08, 2007 01:50 CST
Comment/Review:
Given your later works, take this one with a grain of salt. The good: I loved your characterizations, settings, and originality. I thought the struggle was well worth it as one felt NW's true turmoil. Everyone was used perfectly: Star for her brief role (although, if your story was longer, her role should have been expanded), Cy/BB for their banter, Raven for her commentary, and even Kitten for her brief scene (loved your take on her). You captured both anime Blackfire and comic NW's respective sexuality and voyeurism perfectly. As for your sex scene: well done as you made the dissimiliar topics (the food, the strap on) flow into a beautifully torrid melange. The mind game and their dialogue clenched the manipulative setting perfectly. Other than that: nice Cyberion reference and of course, the Bat allusions. You do an lovely job of meshing the two continuities. The bad: my only real issue (and I know you've improved on this) was sentence structure as you piled on sentences. They were wonderfully descriptive, but then you added on, thus creating clutter. This is most noticable during your early exposition of anime Blackfire canon. So, it's a clutter, "less is more", or a redundant sentence issue. It wasn't as jarring in the sex scene, but it can be. Prose takes time. Like I said, you've worked on this from what little I've seen of your later works. Just be mindful, is all. That, and I noticed you re-used many of the same verbs, such as "watch" and "asked". It was fine with me, but it can bother in a protracted piece like this. Other than that, it was a wonderfully well written mind game with great kinky sex. You write it just right. I can't wait for the sequel. And don't spread it around that I gave you the ideas. I have a reputation, you know. Heh. Sorry for the lateness.
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