Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: December 17, 2006 03:11 CST
Comment/Review:
Apparently thus far no one has put up a review for this one, so I guess it's up to me. First suggestion (and one I give to most writers, and is is a suggestion to all writers, no matter their level of experience, "show do not say". Describe the scenes instead of saying them. By doing so, you go from being an author to a writer. And yes, a writer is a much better title, an author writes romance novel trash and crappy children's books, while a writer creates masterpieces of the imagination. A lofty goal, but one to keep in mind. Still, I'm not trashing your work, it is genuinely good, and an interesting remake of Ranma (although him being a hydro-transexual on top of being a winged man would be amusing as hell (wings and a big breasted red-head? Hmmm, many opportunities). Anyway, the story is off to a good start, thoguh who the gang was, it's leaders, and a possible return are obvious storyline ideas. In addition, what about some serious attacks for Kasumi, like weapons and Ki attacks? Thing to consider for the later chapters. Anyway, keep up the good work, and update when you can, k? Later
|
