Reviewed By: Ashyna [MediaMiner Member] On: December 28, 2006 10:37 CST
Comment/Review:
um...you said you wanted critisism if have any, so here it is(im not the best author eather, but i'll help ya where i can) it would help your story alot if you add detailes....like,discribe how the room looks, their clothes, and so on. and you should always at least wait until the second hapter for a couple too make love...other wise it seems like it is going too fats...the only reson that you wouldnt wait is if it is a fanfiction sequal....i hope that i helped!
|
