| "Wild Strawberries" Reviews/Comments [ 25 ] |
Reviewed By: Lytherdw [MediaMiner Member] On: August 04, 2015 06:29 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
After a long break i'm back on here catching up and glad to see the
new chapters added. :) Up to the last chapter I thought the story
went really well, flowed nicely characters development was pretty
spot on. The first part of the final chapter seemed to follow suit,
but the ending did seem to be added on just to end it. Now im not
saying the story was anywhere near bad poor Keitaro just cant catch
a break and one of the girls are never to far to punish him, lets
face it beating after beating and Motoko is the one that feels
she's been betrayed? lol any red blooded guy wouldn't go near them
wearing a suit of armour first. But seriously the ending could of
flowed much better, I get the overall picture but I'm sure the last
part especially Keitaro dying could have flowed much more like the
rest of the story, which overall I really do think was amazing. but
after reading many of your other stories it did feel a little
rushed to finish.
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Title: Broken formatting
Reviewed By: Ib On: April 21, 2015 18:32 PDT
Comment/Review:
Seems like the formatting somehow got destroyed in the first two
chapters, makes them difficult and unpleasant to read, they really
should be re-uploaded or edited to fix it.
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Reviewed By: ibskib [MediaMiner Member] On: September 10, 2013 17:25 PDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
His dead may have been planned, but the story ended so abruptly that it felt almost tacked on, as you see sometimes when an author gets tired of a story but still wants to put some kind of finish on it, at first I actually thought it was a nightmare or something to that effect that he would wake up from. With the age difference, that would become increasingly significant, it was leading towards tragedy anyway, even if he didn't die. So I wouldn't say that he could get away with it in the same manner as the other fic. |
Title: good work
Reviewed By: killerman83ca [MediaMiner Member] On: September 10, 2013 16:22 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I couldn't believe that Keitaro died at the end. But he got the three word's that he wanted to hear from her. How about you do up another one but a little differeent like when Motoko was working like a maid I forget when that happen but something like that would be good. It is only a thought. |
Reviewed By: Saiyan Prince1 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 14, 2010 03:37 PST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
i love this fic. always great. keep it going kay. hope there is more soon. question will this one be posted of ff dot net?
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Reviewed By: Inque On: January 06, 2010 02:14 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
And a Ten from the Russian judge!!! What a read! Of course, I'm dreading the eventual discovery. This can't possibly turn out well. I'd like to see Keitaro end up with Chiharu somehow but that would be just too much to hope for, wouldn't it? I don't want to think of her as a stepping stone, a simple educational tryst, that's just to prepare him for . . . whoever. Ah well, it's great to see that you didn't abandon this, man. Keep up the BRILLIANT work!
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Reviewed By: WarpWizard [MediaMiner Member] On: September 29, 2009 09:41 PDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Really good chapter. Hot and nicely emotional. I liked the ending too, nice to see Keitaro not be a doormat for once. He's right too: telling most of the truth usually makes for the best lie.
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Reviewed By: Sicksorrow On: September 27, 2009 05:03 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
10's all down the board my friend a truly excellent read. I can't wait for more
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Reviewed By: psychopath [MediaMiner Member] On: September 22, 2009 16:54 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
very enjoyable read up to this point and i hold high hopes for the continuation of a great story and i know you've probably heard enough flames/bad reviews to know this already but write what you like and put your heart into it like you've done in all your other works and you will always find some one out there (me) who likes your work so keep it up. and for all you nay sayers out there don't bash someone for making a story that you thought was horrible if you didn't like it or thought there were problems tell him/her your reasoning don't talk down about his/her writing style because it didn't fit into your little world of fanfiction. keep the great stories coming hawker i'll be waiting for them.
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Reviewed By: WarpWizard [MediaMiner Member] On: September 14, 2009 19:53 PDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good stuff, pretty hot.
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Reviewed By: inuyasha128b [MediaMiner Member] On: September 10, 2009 17:07 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Back when I first read this it was a single chapter, from that point it deserved a spot on the favorites list. You never fail to deliver, always creating twists and turns, and engaging the reader fully. In the essence of Loss and Redemption I hope for a story of similar length, even though to compare these two is nearly impossible. Good luck and I hope for more, Motoko Urashima
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Title: good story
Reviewed By: killerman83ca [MediaMiner Member] On: November 06, 2007 12:13 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I have read your story and it was good. Can you please do up another one like this because I would be happy to read it.
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Reviewed By: Vilkath [MediaMiner Member] On: July 20, 2007 14:19 PDT
Comment/Review:
Unique pairing I'll give you that, but eventualy you will have to go beyond that if you want to take this story some where special. Something I would like to see is Keitaro hooking up with some other girl now that Chiharu broke a lot of his shyness. Motoko be really funny complicated mess, but I'd accept Shinobu or naru as well. I think over all best way for this to end is their passion for eachother to die out and never talk about the 'helping hand' he had to change his life. I mean Keitaro was on a road to no where cannon wise, things never really seemed to improve. But after something like this, asking a girl out, noticing their feelings etc shoudl be easier for Keitaro. He could pick up on shinobu's crush now, notice how cute and perfect she is, how abusive and mean naru is etc. Imo one the main things holding back Love hina's romances was they were all to green and inexperienced to make a move, now one them has a leg up, something could happen.
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Title: (Contented Sigh)
Reviewed By: TuryScrema On: March 17, 2007 02:12 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I don't know if I should cheer for how much I love this fic, scream in shock because of the pairing, or cry knowing that I am so INCREDIBLY far away from writing anything like this. The only thing wrong with this is the same thing that anyone else on earth would say, and that is the fact that I hate to wait for more. Curse you or bless you, Hawker. Either way, you are the best.
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Reviewed By: Zero Asakura [MediaMiner Member] On: March 13, 2007 09:49 PDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
well now is time for Keitaro to shine but also to get found and fall ofcourse if motoko finds him she woon't want her dad to find out nor would tsuruko but maybe the others would... save kitsune and shinobu maybe well good luck
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Reviewed By: Zero Asakura [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2007 12:12 PST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
really well done i want to read the update and i want to see life go in some way for keitaro eventually they find out (better Tsuruko, haha) well g'luck P.S: maybe you should write one of the sort featuring a Kanako vs Tsuruko competition for Keitaro?
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Title: All flash, no substance
Reviewed By: I'dRatherNotBeAssoiciatedWithThis On: February 08, 2007 16:40 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Honestly, this seemed to be almost like a rehash of your fic called 'Face In the Mirror'. Now that I think about it, the layout was exactly the same, except rather than Sayuri, it was Chiharu. Keitaro gets beat down by Tsuruko this time instead of Naru, and each time Chiharu comes to comfort him instead of Sayuri. It's obvious after reading many your works that you harbor an intense infatuation for the Aoyama family, but this sort of took things to a whole new level. This fic basically came off as you saying "Hey, I've done Kei/Mot, Kei/Tsu, Kei/Tsu/Mot. What can I do to top those?" And then you suddenly were hit by a 'brilliant' idea and decided, "I know! I'll do a Kei/Aoyama Mama!" The characterization was entirely bland. I could not have cared less about 'Chiharu'. She put me to sleep, seriously. While I applaud the fact that you put so much effort into describing her physical appearance,you put no life into her character whatsoever. She stops by to give Keitaro advice, patches him up and walks off. That's her character...that's it...that's Chiharu. She justifies screwing Keitaro by saying they had a chemistry?!! That's all she has to say? I'm sorry, but for a grown woman who betrays her husband because she felt some 'connection' with Keitaro is quite possibly the worst plot device I have ever heard of. Besides that, the fact that she just 'happens' to run into Keitaro when he decides to take a walk at night screams of an orchestrated deus ex machina turn of events. Well, I suppose, that her weak characterization can be overlooked, seeing that she is an OC and all (I won't even count the father, he was more of a cameo). But you didn't do much better with the canon characters. Motoko and Tsuruko basically get shunted off to the side after the first quarter of the fic and I'm glad that you actually remembered that Naru was part of this arc. As for Keitaro... He doesn't really seem like Keitaro. He panics a lot, babbles incessantly and gets nervous quickly and still adheres to his usual self-defeatest/overly optimistic attitude, but once again, there's no life in his character. He just seemed to narrate of the story more than anything. As for the narrative, I'd say that a lot of it seemed incredibly rushed. It was as though you were trying to get to the 'climactic' scene as fast as you could so you threw a bunch of random situations and musings from Keitaro to show that the days were passing, summarized them, occasionally had Keitaro hold a dialogue with the OC, and than repeated it. All in all, it's rather obvious that you're intention for this was for smut and not much for plot so I'm definitely being a tad bit anal. Sorry, if I came off as kind of harsh. You're a great writer, but a lot of these oneshots seem to be more fanservice than anything.
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Reviewed By: Mashadar On: February 08, 2007 00:37 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's...predictable. I've read several of your fics before, and after a while, they start to follow a rather linear pattern. About the quarter of the way through, it seemed to follow a more or less defined path. Chiharu's characterization also seemed a bit, well, weak and a little undefined.
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Reviewed By: Shadowed Moon On: February 06, 2007 23:49 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I have to say that even though this is another excellent fanfiction, it's not as good as some of your recent works. I found this one to be a tad bit predictable, and the lemon section lacking the fire of your one-shot works. Nevertheless, I look forward to seeing where this goes.
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Reviewed By: ur fan On: February 02, 2007 10:25 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
gawd hawker..your story always leaves me wanting for more..i really enjoy reading ur fic as i know that you will finish them..and i hope you'll do the same with this one like the other..and as always thanks for keeping them true to their character..
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Title: Chapter 1
Reviewed By: WarpWizard [MediaMiner Member] On: January 30, 2007 19:50 PST
Comment/Review:
Good stuff! Hawt older woman action is always welcome. :)
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Reviewed By: Godslayer [MediaMiner Member] On: January 29, 2007 21:15 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I enjoyed but you are one of my all time favorite authors so I expected to. I appreciate the time and effort you put into this and I hope you continue it or at the very least move on to new works.
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Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: January 29, 2007 17:01 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Interesting premise. Yet its just once...right? I think not and things are bound to get stickier . You have a whopper on your hands my man! dennisud
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Reviewed By: Pete Gadoury [MediaMiner Member] On: January 29, 2007 11:17 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Awsome story I always look forward to your updates. BTW are you going to continue Aftermath Loss Redemtion 2? Really interesting. pgadoury@tds.net
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Reviewed By: Eagle Ceres On: January 29, 2007 09:55 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW! definetly hot and romantic, unexpected given the setting, well done scenes, very tasteful and enticing. Great Work Hawker!
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