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| "kagome higarashi lieutenant private eye" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: RadioActiveRedhead [MediaMiner Member] On: March 04, 2008 19:39 CST
Comment/Review:
You shouldn't write in italics all the time. Italics should be used for EMPHASIS on stuff like thoughts. And you should make your chapters more than just clumps of writing. Make sure to put who is talking in their own line... Like line 1 would be "Kagome talking"...if kouga is talking next you should press the Enter button on your keyboard and have "Kouga talking". Italics take away from the writing, especially if its all throughout your story. In your title, its HIGURASHI not HIGARASHI. The way you wrote it makes it sound like "HEE-GAH-RAH-SHEE" when its pronounced "HEE-GOO-RAH-SHEE". :) Like the first reviewer said: Fix the format of your writing, DO NOT write in italics only (FYI: They don't write fully in italics in real books) use italics for emphasis and if you want to know how the format is for people talking take a look at one of my fan fics :D hopefully it can help a bit. Plus if the speech of your characters are squashed together its hard for us to follow who is talking.
| Title: Nice try...Take 2
Reviewed By: Precious [MediaMiner Member] On: February 12, 2007 23:24 CST
Comment/Review:
Okay the summary looked nice but in order to get people to read this you will have to clean the format of this story up. Splitting the dialouge up would be a good start. Add some desriptions of what the characters are doing or the tone in which they are expressing themselves. And wait until you have a nice chapter to post. I know it may look long to you but once posted it it will shrink. The chapters you currently have give off that nice outline feel. Take what you already have then write it into a real chapter (details, correct formating, and such). Come back after 30 min or so and re-read (exactly the way you wrote) the chapter. We can only imagine your world with the building blocks you give us. Example: For all we know Koga and Kagome could be at a fast food place. What does the crime scene look like? You don't have to try and jam a bunch of info in this scene. You can spread it out just make sure you have planned this story out so you don't write yourself in a corner. Nice first try. Rewrite it properly and I promise it will get the amount of hits it deserves. Oh and if you don't know much about a subject and you don't feel like looking it up warn people that you made up stuff so they won't blast you for it.
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