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| "Beating Hearts are Overrated" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: amythestmage [MediaMiner Member] On: March 15, 2007 20:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
Well, simply stating that I would like to read more certainly won't help much, so I will try to come up with something. I wouldn't call these first chapters amusing per se (although I think the dark humour, if you will, is a personal favorite); I'm not quite sure how to phrase it. But I do have to agree that it seems as though, while things have been established to some degree (the summary included, which certainly caught my attention), there hasn't been a great deal of development plotwise. Personally, the first two chapters kept my attention, as they were neither overly inflated with detail nor were they shallow or empty. I think that the internal monologue of the main character is what adds the tones of a dark humour and in a way, a sort of identity to relate to (meaning that it would not be impossible to agree with some of his thoughts as he gets tossed into his surreal evening) as the story progresses. Well, I am not sure if this is helpful, but I do hope that there is more of the story. -amythestmage
| Reviewed By: darkjewel [MediaMiner Member] On: February 19, 2007 12:02 CST
Comment/Review:
Okay, you've got my attention. I enjoyed the style, which left me wanting to read the next chapter and figure out what the heck is going on. I want to know how he got where ever he is, and who this Naomi guy/gal is. If you were aiming to give us a good look at Sho's confusion, you got it. The touches of humor were well timed and not jarring. I think I'll need a few more chapters before I can really get into a critique. The plot has not really started to unfold yet. I didn't notice any glaring grammatical errors, but I can't spell to save my life. It's a strong start, and I'm curious where this is going to go from here. I think I smell a fantasy/horror style setting with a healthy dollop of humor. I'll pop this one into my favorites.
| Title: hey
Reviewed By: kirara_sango [MediaMiner Member] On: February 13, 2007 21:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
It was good but a little confusing. You could add a little more detail and more to the story then what was there. Other than that It was good
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