Reviewed By: dragon88 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 23, 2007 08:00 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Any critique that I give is in no way meant to be offensive to the author or harmful to self-esteem or writing style they have. What I say is only meant to help. It's an entertaining start, that's for sure. I'm not going to get after you for the length of the chapter, quality over quantity...well, okay, so I'll nag a little. You could have made it just a little longer, if not spaced things out just a little more. It's okay to skip lines between paragraphs, no one should ever nag you over that. And the little filler between the past and the present, you may want to divide that up into paragraphs a little more. In addition, some transition between story text and your notes would be a good idea. Otherwise, I think you performed quite well. You chose fitting jobs/careers for each character, I would think. Riku, hellbent on building the little ship as he was and already being strong had something going for him. The construction is an excellent choice. I could easily picture a little beauty shop downtown with Kairi working in it. Likely advising a loyal patron of hair care product X. And Sora, throughout the games always seems to have something to teach someone, and something to learn from another~ As one may fall into both role of teacher and student. Also, you pulled off an interesting cliffhanger, those are most certainly entertaining and hard to do, and I think you pulled it off quite well. Especially for a first time. I'm dreadfully curious as to just why Riku would don the robes once more, especially after all these years. I look forward to seeing your next chapter!
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