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| "Released to Destroy" Reviews/Comments [ 21 ] | | Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] | Title: Chapter 1 Review
Reviewed By: Miashin [MediaMiner Member] On: July 18, 2007 22:58 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
The first review in a long series to come. Some grammar errors, and repetitious words really detracted from the writing and kept you from getting a perfect score. That said, I like your style of writing, a little more descriptiveness would help get the mood across better. The way you bold thoughts is distracting and jars the eye too much, causing the story not to flow as well. Changing the bolds to italics would make reading smoother. On a last style note, changing POV (POW is 'prisoner of war' which caused me to have to stop for a second) mid-story, or even near the end of the story, is one of the worst things a writer can do. Not only does it make the flow of the story stagger, in this particular instance it doesn't seem necessary because the story is being presented in the same way as before. I don't see a reason to separate the pre-POV switch and post-POV switch sections. Merge them and it'll flow better. Lastly, if you want to switch POVs don't announce it with 'Tails POV' or 'Shadow POV,' it's distracting. Just throw in a line, or a couple of centered stars, and keep writing. This, once again, improves the flow of the story. All of that nitpicking aside, you write pretty well. All hail Spellchecker I suppose. Now onto plot discussion. I thought Robotnik's first name was 'Ivo,' although I have absolutely no problem with you changing it around. For a first, kind of prequel, chapter this is very good and gets me interested in seeing what will happen when Shadow is finally released. Not to mention finding out how Tails ends up being the one to do it. 50 years of perfect lucidity with nothing to do. Shadow is going to have some serious issues when he finally gets out. I'm thinking sensory overload. And yes, I plan to review on every chapter before reading the next. I'm fully aware that most of the stuff I'm speculating on has already been written up and published. Hey, I like to help peoples review count, it helps them get more readers sooooo. Bah, I've run out of time. I'll get to the next chapter when.....well we'll see. XD Happy writings till then. *waves*
| Reviewed By: Lunarian [MediaMiner Member] On: July 05, 2007 17:26 EDT
Comment/Review:
Eeh I finally am getting around to reading this. Heh Tails is lucky and already has 1000x the amount of memorabilia I do. Tails has his own porn bin like scrooge mcducks money bin, they probably use them for the same reasons as well, sploogey. Not much to comment on, and im being distracted by father belly aching in the other room so its hard to focus. Did you rush when you wrote this? I'm seeing alot of grammar errors or wording that just hurts the eye. And then we reach the hot hedgehog on fox man sex and the quality of writing shoots up. Nice scene though. Hah metal sonic acting like sonic, hehe. The more of Sally you show the more I grow to hate her, she's like nabiki from ranma 1/2, manipulating others for her own benefit. She needs a good smack down courtesy of shadow, show him who was in charge later indeed hmmph. Interesting little insulting game there, I liked the part about being a walking toothpaste add, creative. I look forward to more Shails and GUN destruction.
| Title: Skull Monkey
Reviewed By: SkullMonkey [MediaMiner Member] On: June 18, 2007 00:52 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
More! More! More! Monkey wants more! =P And yeah, I read the entire fiction... a few times. You should do more with Shadow's leads. I liked those bits. Have him smack some sence into Sonic with them. *lightbulb* Robotnik catching him and loading a computer virus into him would suck. T_T poor widdo Shadow. 6-Year-Old PSYCHO! Question for you tho... your idea for Terios' colouring, was that borrowed from Shadow the Hedgehog's 2-player mode? (I finally bothered to check out that mode of the game and discovered an orange shadow and various versions of "Metal Shadow" so I was curious). Anyway, time for this Monkey to take over the world! TTFN!
| Reviewed By: Skull Monkey On: May 25, 2007 19:15 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I'm usualy just a Shadow and Rouge fan, but this fic had me hooked and reeling in by the first chapter! Great job! I love the memories you made for Shadow on how he was created. And the quote:"...if you learn one thing after being trapped in your own mind for so long it is this: Either get very patient or go insane" Brilliant! Only complaint I have is your confusion between "there" and "their" (Lunarian beat me on the seamen part, but that had some funny mental images). Anyway, keep writing this one. I can't wait to read more! *Thumbs up*
| Reviewed By: Lunarian Unlogged On: May 08, 2007 12:51 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hehe a disclaimer finally lol, better late then never. I always have trouble getting behind the oflacatory part of the relationships in stories, the abundance of smells and thier strength are usually emphasized yet I cant imagine it well. Thanks largely to my own sub standard sense of smell no doubt, unless it is garbage or a skunk I rarely distinguish smells. Haha putting on a show for them, Shadow and Tails seem to be quite shameless suddenly, either that or Tails is so in bliss he isnt catching what he is saying. Ugh with the addition of Snively now I can only picture this Robotnik as that fatass version of that series, could have done without that. Just where was Snively looking that he was so quick to point out it wasa 'he'. Oh my, I wonder if that wasnt a little foreshadowing there, he is seeming interested in this new being. I hope this new OC doesnt follow the addage of too many cooks spoiling the soup or some such hash. Thats my bias talking that wants to scream in anger whenever Shadow doesnt get his airtime. Hah Sally thinking Shadow and Tails relationship would conform to the bunk they put in 'novels', what a silly princess she is. Yes! Go shadow tear her apart for trying to beat around the bush instead of just speaking her mind, less subtlety can be nice. Is it accepted info that Tails is Sally's son? Nice insinuation of Shadow and Maria's relationship hehe kinky. HAHA I love that flip-turn Shadow pulls on Sally, now Tails is a pedophile hehehe. Servers the princess right, her being too hypocritical and nosy. Good for tails getting his own revenge on nosy sally as well. Ah now we get to the intrigue. Eggman actually comes off as semi competent... hmm strange. LOL it seems MS had the same reaction I did. Hehe social life, thats still light years beyond me. Im holdin off lookin at your other fic yet, ill w8t till u got bit more. Still nice chapter, no actual sex yet the innuendo came off splendidly making it heavily lime.
| Title: Bucketters
Reviewed By: Bucketbrain On: May 03, 2007 19:27 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Not too bad at all. So far anyway. I originally wasn't going to review it (I'm strange that way!), but, seeing how eager you are to wanting one... here it is! The aspect of a ShadowxTails fiction was somewhat misplaced and I figured it wouldn't fit with the situation to begin with. However, I seem to have been proved wrongly once again! I have however noticed a couple of minor errors you made (For example, I do remember seeing 'Aunt Sally' wearing an unbuttoned jacket of some kind at some points in the Anime.... may be confusing that with someone else though...) But overall, nothing to seriously under-mine this fiction. Energetic, thrilling, and at the beginning, some heart-stopping stuff! Tails being locked in Shadow's Pod Room was quite an interesting addition to the fiction that not only fitted with the situation, it would more than likely be the case if it was set-out as an Anime or in a re-make of Sonic Adventure 2! If I may make a suggestion, I wouldn't mind another one of those kind of moments, keep the fiction interesting that way. (However, I've been known to giving poor advice, so feel free to ignore me on that one...) Another one is maybe showing a bit more of what Shadow can do when destroying or killing something/one. (Chaos Blast springs to mind, but I'll go for pretty much anything....) Overall, nice fiction! Keep up the good work mate! And be sure to give Lunarian my regards....
| Reviewed By: Lunarian Unlogged On: April 29, 2007 19:53 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Hehe wondering if maybe you abuse the readers a little more they may review. Not a bad thought, sometimes they do. It just cant be explained. Aha I love it, you have Shadow being so methodical and calm about the whole thing, letting no room for embaressment or awkward. Aww Tails what a wuss, he disapoints me there. At least Shadow can take it easier then most anyone. Seems like your puttin Tails in the female role, the kind of kiss by mistake and run away cryn without sayin why thing, the kind that had it been anyone but Shadow theyd probably feel that they had done something wrong or bad. LoL Sally's upset with the prudish humans hehe. Gah I spoke too soon... Shadow did play that role to the hilt. Sally's annoyin me more with addin to that 'you dont need to know' deal. Heh interesting psychological thoughts about seeking darkness when upset, Sally seems to think bout humans alot. Very VERY nice backstory work with Shadows thoughts. Rarely does Shadow express how he feels about Gerald and its usually not too positive. Here he assumes he was tampered with and still likes the old guy. Destruction of GUN? I'm all for that! *Rubs hands evilly* Haha that bit about caring voice w/out throwin up is great, shows he cant cross a certain line b4 its just sick to himself. Well well they certainly are starting things off with a bang. Hehe who would ever think Tails would be the irresponsible one in a relationship, so flooded with lust is he. I wonder, is that bit of fox biology true or just thought up? Watch and be amazed at Sonics oblivity. Niceness the two seem be reaching an equality fairly well here. I'll pretend I didnt see that last piece of author notes. Heh I did think you were maybe goin further then suggested at first, I think Tails libido is a hard thing to control especially when it is as raging as here.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian Unlogged On: April 24, 2007 18:20 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
Heh cheesier, how are you watching these shows? Torrents? My review may be a little subpar today, I'm feeling lethargic and hot. Good imagery with the chaos emeralds glow. I don't think Sonic has ever told Tails to shut up before, has he? Sounded harsh coming from him... which is fine by me. It always amuses me in these stories where the so-called hero (Sonic) develops hate and anger to the bad guy (Shadow) for killing and then goes around vowing to kill Shadow anyway, that faulty logic is so littered in stories. Definitely a showdown coming on here, insults and all. This fight scene is cool, its like a mix of STH and mortal kombat. Sonic's so outclassed that Shadow feels like a bully still fighting him haha... giving Shadow ultimate healing powers too? Nice, he could beat someone to near death, heal them and do it again! Also for a more hentai use maybe he can regenerate a persons sex drive heh, multiple orgasms with no refractory period. Multicolored side affects lol nice. I wonder how long before Tails starts getting pissed off at Sally for seeing Shadow as a simple weapon. And bunnie's perversion starts showing itself again.. so yeah how far into the series are you anyway? I read somewhere Bunnie and Antione married? Heh is this you practicing for assasin shadow, his gloves of death? I'm still not sure exactly what the 'magic hand' is? Ooooh quite the sweet scene there, Shadow holding Tails downn helplessly so he leans up and gives little, 'chu' kiss.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian-unlogged On: April 20, 2007 23:00 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
Heh moochings what I do. The Shadow and Rouge interaction feels a little like something is off, but I still like it. Throwing her come-ons back in her face, and saying he overestimated her heh good jabs. Lol I had to laugh at Tails dietary habits, wonder if that was influenced by vorish thoughts. I have trouble imagining Tails actually eating Rabbit. Heh Tails is in big denial, 'I won't do it', two seconds later hes trying to jam it in. If I was Tails I'd be worried about tearin sumthin from pushin that monster in, he's just too horny lol. Yes I can see your spellin is fine. Lucky little fox seems to be highly sensitive. Hah Shadows got so much $$$ the banks need days to collect the info on it, if Rouge finds that out then she'd really be tryn to snag him. Geh? Blaze and Big? Wow talk about outta nowhere. I dont even kno any bout Blaze cept her looks in the first place, but thats gotta some story for her to fall to Big. Interesting, he's softening already.. Shadow that is. Aha that bastard general of GUN, I hated that guy. Heh shadows gotta stop being absent minded when he teleports... then again he dont mind much. That chapter actually ended on a cute note, with Tails wrapping his namesakes around Shadow and cuddling all possesive like. Aye, I enjoyed it. And also agree it was done well, it flowed very well with the dialogue. Heh if Bunnie tries to force sex on the two, they can each start snacking on Rabbit, that should deter any agression nicely... unless she is even MORE depraved and kinky then advertised.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian-unlogged On: April 20, 2007 08:08 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Why was it again that you can't get access to fanfiction.net? Heh hot cross buns strange, didnt seem like somethin he'd get on the ARC. Beware Shadow the child eater! lol, innuendo much? And now I see Tails dreams just that, *snort*, such a horny little fox he is. I can't help but laugh each time you write 'seamen', its 'semen'. Geh, if I was Tail I'd be righty pissed off at how Bunnie is bullying him, thats a tad more then teasing there. Haha that IS a truly sadist action to Sonic, refusing to race him, bravo. So Shadow helps rebuilding the machine at a higher rate then anyone else could, even after being insulted after offering to help, and Tails see's fit to give him a lecture? *Tsk Tsk* Tails, you're a right brat at the moment. Maybe it's just me, but when Tails and Shadow are alone- doesn't it seem strange for Shadow to constantly say Tails name when he talks to him? Shadow's a being of few words, he wouldn't unneccesarily add the persons name everytime. ...--- Ok I like how Shadows acting a bit more independent, not answering Tails every whim, theyre working more towards and equilibrium here which is good...--- Tails is polite enough to give ppl warning and wait for the ok before entering their homes, but they arent for him, doesnt speak well of the Mobians respect for the two tailed wonder. Heh... hahahaha, insane 6 six year old indeed, already planning to kill himself after Maria dies of old age. Definitely not a route Id take. HAHAHA I love how Shadow intimidates the bouncer at club Rouge. I'd figure iit was gonna be Ruouge you were hinting at. Not neccesarily pairing, but I love her interaction with Shadow almost all the time. The dreamsex scene... it was done well. A little experienced sounding for what sounds like Tails first wet dream, I know none of the few I've had were that detailed. And man you had him splooge like a pro which is even odder for such a young'un. So then, do you have no actual plot outline and you make it up as you go along? Thats what I do too heh, I cant plan ahead at all, it sucks. I would imagine the ending would involve defeating Eggman in some way, maybe copy off the series and have them wipe out his base only to later discover he had an even more secret hidden one. Of course GUN is gonna be a pain in the piss to Shadow, theyre never friendly to him even if he attacks in just self defense. So Tails is gonna turn his tails into WMD's. Heh his cum was so strong im surprised you don't try that as an attack... Hah lol that'd be the opening volley at eggman, Tails special attack: Kitsune splooge strike! Ahh, entertaining read, ntertaining talk.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian-unlogged-in On: April 19, 2007 10:24 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
I see you're letting us go in unlogged now, good. That was always a hassle to me since it never worked just right. What I mean by 'can't get into bunnie like that', is the whole submission/domination mindeset with leather, whips, pain and everything. In two ways, first I just don't go for that all anyway and secondly it doesnt feel like bunnies thing. Your Sh/Cr idea hmm.. Shadow the assassin has definite promise. It's just how to reconcile sweet cream into that world and/or mindeset without totally ruining her character into an OC. --Reading story now-- Hehe great motivation there Sally, 'pretend their humans' indeed. Total ownage to mechasonic? sweet.. Sonic must be stewing in his juices by now. *Grin* Ahh... Tails getting all cumfy with Shadow and Shadow finding tails so adorable he just wants to touch him... don't know why that thought doesnt freak me out but there it is. All your ideas are neat and sound just like the kinda stuff I'd try if I had the time and didnt have other series to work on... With a name like Guardian Angel, does that mean the basic plot will be ultra cold assassin Shadow by some twist of fate has to protect Cream from others and she thaws him? Cause that is beyond cliche. And if u want to communicate back/forth u can email me again, I did get it that time. ....I realize u got another chapter still, I'll get around to reading it, if not later then nextday.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian [MediaMiner Member] On: April 14, 2007 00:26 EDT
Comment/Review:
Hmm, can't get behind the bunnie idea personally. Doesnt appeal to me. I like Shadow showing up at the viewing and making them all feel like scum though. Showcasing his mastery of chaos control with trips to space as well. Shadows feeling less IC at parts but at least he keeps his general badassness. You seem to have random typos or freudian slips in the oddest places. The pedophile bit in particular. Eh, you seem to be just gunning for the action.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2007 01:37 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
Tré bizzare, you've turned Shadow into an almost Borg-like being. Definitely taking it into the AU area with that considering Shadow's technical know-how in the games is basically to smack the offending computer untill it works. These review spaces are annoying as well, it doesn't let me space it out at all. I like that idea, to turn someone into a transvestite... hehe. Make it Sonic, that can be part of Shadow's revenge for them stealing his memories like that. He can pimp-out Sonic the TV and ruin the princess's reputation by linking him to her with scandal. That's one of my many pet-peeves, where a character has their mind effectively raped so casually. My blood thirsts for excessive revenge for such an act! You've kept up giving general information for each scene which is good for those of us who are not heavily familiar with this universe, I'm more into the game and anime. Gotta love Shadows ultra gruff attitude towards anyone 'cept Tails, though foxxy boy shouldn't get too used to always getting his way with the black wonder, the guys gotta be himself, cant go followin Tails like a puppy. Hmm, a Shadow/Bunnie... well it would have been the first one to my knowledge. Totally understandable havin a thing' for the sonic rabbits, they're just so.... yeah. Shadow needs to do a little spring cleaning, a pre emptive strike against all those wise-asses, save himself lotta trouble in the long run.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2007 01:54 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
Hahaaha you've got quite the 'tude there. If I didn't get it, 'tough' hehehe. Regardless, I'm glad youve kept it up. It was most satisfying reading about Sonic getting that royal beatdown he so richly deserved. Imagine, attacking Shadow first, the nerve. Tails is really turning out to be a little hornball isn't he, at least his subconcious is. Putting Sally in her place as well, nicely done. Imagine her salivating at the chance of getting this 'super-weapon' on their side she tries pimping herself out hypothetically dumping Sonic. Those scenes were quite nice. Too bad you plan for (older cream) ghe ehe hehe. You should really lay off the bold text though, it made it a tad aggravatitive to read. Yup sorry.. no flame for you yet. This sites kinda sucky for reviews ya'kno.
| Reviewed By: Lunarian [MediaMiner Member] On: April 06, 2007 17:03 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I never log in to this site, but I just had to review and meany you with the no members dealy... I love the pairing of Shadow/Tails, it is beyond rare and its great your writing out whats seeming a nice sized gradual story centered around that couple. So far you've not broken Shadows character, which is great since he needs to stay IC for a good fic. Personally I hope he totally kicks Sonic's ass heh heh. I've hardly read any fics centered around Knothole world, I'm just goin with the flow as you go. If you plan to write a Shadow/Cream story as well then I'm 100% behind that as well. Thats my favorite of favorites. All I can ever find are short oneshots or stories that make no sense and throw them together with no ryhme or reason. That you further plan to lemonfy these ideas... delicious.
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