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| "A Mapped Life" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: Precious [MediaMiner Member] On: April 24, 2007 07:51 CDT
Comment/Review:
I still need to finish reading what you have posted but after seeing your author's note on wanting feedback I felt I had to write this now. I know it's hard when no one responds to something you have worked hard on. It is true that most people skip over this type of story so it is to be expected that not too many people will know about it, however this is a wonderful story. I am very thankful I was intrigued enough to peek at it. Your plot has that real life touch to it, like I'm watching a prequel movie. You kept Sesshomaru's mom alive. Since it is true that she is still alive in the original InuYasha I commend you for that. I can't wait to see what you have in store for her. I see that she doesn't always have to be bitter and sharp tongued so I wonder what makes her act this way. Why she took this "job" in the first place? Was it in hopes of becoming more with Toga? To be close to Kenichii? Something more personal? And I had to snicker at the part where Toga says that she is just his wife and not his mate, "thank God" for it would be a tragedy otherwise. Foreshadowing Izzy's future by having her say she would never be the other woman was a nice touch. I suppose her father would need to be an ass because of what happens while she and Inuyasha are together. Hopefully she won't be to scared after she realizes that her father was not hurting that lady but all that will come in due time. Her distrust of her dad will make Toga's work a lot harder than it has to be. I suppose they will met again when the two tycoons meet for buisness reasons. I have yet to figure out the reason for the scar, or more specifically the shape of the scar. Does it have a deeper meaning or am I just thinking to hard? I'll have to give the situation surrounding the love triangle more thought. The one with Toga, Lora, and Kenichii that is. Does Toga really not see it? Or is it because of this that he is always having Kenichii take care of her. Because he knows that his cousin does care for her and will ensure that she is looked after properly? Boy, I kinda rambled on huh? Well I have other things I have "pick out" from your story but I suppose it would be pointless of me to continue on about them. Bottomline is your story is great people are just to caught up in the everyday fan fic grind to look up and see it. I will admit that this story does move a little slow but for some reason it doesn't bother me. Not sure why, usually I would whine...Anyway I can't wait to see what happens. I love the time era you picked. There were one or two flaws in this story that I meant to point out but I can't recall them right now. It was just a reoccuring mistake that culd be easily caught when revising. Who doesn't hate the mechanics of writing? Speaking of errors, I hope there aren't to many in here. I will never be a grammar goddess but I hope to get close some day...
| Reviewed By: Persephone K On: April 22, 2007 22:01 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Although you have made vast improvements I urge you to not settle with the level of writing you are currently at. Punctuation, grammar and spelling are the framework to which our ideas stick my girl. Your have a staggering amount of potential and I know u can do better than what you are doing. Not to say its not fine, but, it could so easily be great. I also might try to make my ideas clearer. As writers it is important we give as much clarity to our readers into our vision as possible. I hope you take my advice, and don't write it off as a flame, because it is not. I am great admirer of your story, or rather, of what your story could be. Sincerley, Persephone
| Title: WOW SOMETHING NEW
Reviewed By: COOL BEANS On: April 06, 2007 08:38 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
IT'S NOT EVERYDAY WE HEAR OF AN ORIGINAL PLOT. GOOD JOB
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