| "The Underground" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] |
Reviewed By: Fine143 On: March 03, 2003 21:30 CST
Comment/Review:
You're writing has gotten better from the previous chapters.
A critique for your story is:
Use pronouns or other descriptions for the seishi. Things like, "the younger seishi" or "Brown eyes stared down at... blah blah" or even the more common, "The Suzaku Seishi...". Names are used too often in your writings.
And maybe you could have events happen in different angles. Like while Nuriko and Hotohori were leaving the building, you could use hints like "screaming" or "silence" to signal that Houki was being killed.
Just a few suggestions! |
Reviewed By: Faithchan [MediaMiner Member] On: July 01, 2002 20:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
ahhhh! I'm in the middle of noweresville, Indiana, and my only link to any anime is the computer, and I am very very bored. Your story is soooo good, I'm dying to find out what happens next! please, please, for the sake of a girl doomed to Indiana for her WHOLE summer, write more! Pweeeeease? I'm really dying here! No one whose fanfics I really really love like to update. boo hoo hoo... |
Reviewed By: Faithchan [MediaMiner Member] On: June 18, 2002 20:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
ha ha! Awesome! I love violence! hee hee. Very cool. Hurry and post more! pweeeeeease?
(Sorry, on lotsa sugar right now) |
Reviewed By: Esclave du Hasard On: June 15, 2002 17:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
humm am i the first to review... i hope not cause i would like to see were this story goes...
a little cliched with teh "godfather" thing and i'm not too keen on exccessive violance... try to keep i a little more subtle like screwing with someones phyc... hey hey hold on... i'm not trying to flame you i'm just telling you what I would prefer... i would lobve to find out were it leades and what you doo with the other characters hotohori and tomo for example... *hint hint* please e mail me when you'r posting the next part you can get me at the_maze_00@yahoo.com
over all an enjoyable if slightly... predictable read (i am big into the origionality and reality concepts... don't take it personaly everyone i know thinks i'm weird in what like anyway)
keep writingand don't forget to e-me |
