Reviewed By: Anxx On: April 20, 2007 16:47 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Soo...I just read the whole story. And I got a couple of things to say about it and you may not be pleased with all of them. I do not intend this to be flame, please take it as friendly advise. ^^ The idea of the story itself is nice. There are many new characters and maybe due to that you tend to forget the original characters of DNAngel. I don't really remember we would have ever learned what happened to Emiko? Their personality is pretty much gone, they feel hollow and they sometimes act a bit OOC. It is obvious that English is not your first language, but according to that you write very well, I have seen a lot worse written things. But you still need to work with it. Just write, write, write! You get better by time. Just remember to write something you want to write. Because if there's some part of the plot you don't want to write, then don't. Fast-forwarding is not really the best choice. It's kinda awkward to read that. ^^;; Like you didn't really care about the fic. Make up something else that you actually bother to write. You use lot "OMG!". Do you actually no someone who says "OMG!" when they're in danger? Neither do I. Better to write it as it is said: "oh my god/gosh" is better in written text, trust me. I'm not sure if you made this mistake more than once, I can't remember, but "sempai" is written "senpai" even if it pronounced as "sempai". ^^ You come up with new character often, even though we don't much of the previous ones either. And suddenly it became a crossover as well? There is nothing bad about it, I've been wondering how there hasn't already been Kaitou Kid/DNAngel x-over. :D Red text on white is hard to read. My eyes started to hurt after few chapters, so I think it would be better to go with black text, okay? ^^ That is pretty much all. Keep writing, so that you will come better -you are not bad writer, but there are still lot of things that can be done better. The only way to improve your skills is to write, so do write and continue this fic, I will be observing it. Just remember what I said. Oh, and just in case no one mentioned already, Satoshi's father is called Kei Hiwatari. ^___^
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