Reviewed By: Akebo [MediaMiner Member] On: May 06, 2007 22:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 2 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Alright, first time fanfiction writer. First of all, welcome to the wonderful qorld of fanfiction writing. Second, here's what you need to improve on: Sentence structure. Your sentences are disjointed. Make sure you can put everything you need to into a sentence. Length. It needs to be longer. I find that once you really get into it, you'll end up writing a lot. Detail. What happens, in detai, to Kohaku or Onigumo's sister? What does this voice sound like? What does Onigumo feel? Grammar. Some sentence errors and spelling mistakes. Nothing Word can't solve. Just make sure it's more clear. it really seems interesting, but you need to work on a lot of things and improve. Okay? Review to me for help or e-mail me if you ever want any help, okay? I really hope I didn't turn you off to writing. This isn't meant to be a flame. It's supposed to be a writer-to-writer helping session. So, I look forward to your next update. Just keep what I said in mind.
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