Reviewed By: dragon88 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2007 10:08 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
(In no way how this fiction has been rated or what is said here should be interpreted as an effort to hurt the author's pride or self-esteem, nor should it be considered flaming. Thank you.) Hmm... not too bad of a start. Not the greatest I've seen, but most certainly not the worst. You do have an interesting idea, adding these "Hybrids" into the mix of Terran, Methuselah, and Krusnik. However, what you have written as your start couldn't be any more confusing than it is now. Is there another species deviating even from the Hybrids? I read and reread a couple of lines mentioning this, and I could still not figure it out. I understand that prologues should be a little vague and what not, but I just became totally lost. In addition, you probably could do to put more text related to prologuing itself moreover than the song. The lyrics and the excessive spacing seem to take up the majority of what you've written with a little bit of text about your Hybrids. For your future chapters, I would highly suggest that you worry more about getting story text written down and developing on what you've written rather than spacing it out as much and putting such a heavy focus on the lyrics like that. Finally, I wish to bring attention to the spelling errors. Prologue as an E in it, and there are a few other spelling and grammatical errors that I picked up in there, but nothing that a good read over or two couldn't pick up. Maybe throw in a spell check for good measure. Okay, I lied, that wasn't the end of it. I would like to say again that you have an interesting idea here, having the Vatican (saying "the church" is cool, but don't be afraid to say the name of which one!) actually siding with something semi-vampiric; when Methuselah themselves are considered absolute heathens. And I'm absolutely curious now, is there going to be a pairing between Abel and your character? These things tend to end up that way..just how it goes down makes all the difference in the world. (That and I'm a sucker for the love stories.) If there wasn't a pairing, it would be just as interesting. I look forward to seeing future updates, best of luck to you in your writing!
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