|
| "Dark Honor redeemed" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: Whoozit On: July 18, 2007 20:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
You double posted your first chapter. Besides that, you really need to seriously get a pre-reader. I haven't seen this many run-on sentences in quite a while. You also have a nasty habit of telling the reader what the characters are thinking and feeling instead of showing. This is an interesting idea - really it is, but you need to re-write this. The grammar and over-telling everything brings the rating down.
| Title: Chapter Two
Reviewed By: Tai Khan [MediaMiner Member] On: July 17, 2007 13:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
Check your posts. This is merely a re-posting of the first chapter.
| Title: Chapter One
Reviewed By: Tai Khan [MediaMiner Member] On: July 17, 2007 13:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
One run-on paragraph. Not good. Spelling needs a lot of work, as does the sentence structure and phrasing. Locking Ranma into female form might contribute to 'her' need for revenge, but greatly limits your options compared to if Ranma had still retained the ability to change genders. Major suggestion: find a pre-reader and beta.
|
|
|
