Title: Just my constructive criticism
Reviewed By: DragonTamer94 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 16, 2007 23:47 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Story line moves too fast. Spread the suspense out. It should take at least a chapter for them to set up the attack on the camp, and another to execute it. Add more details, how tall the walls were, what the enemy was wearing, how many are in the camp. Let your readers feel the characters first. Give some background on them, let them understand who they are and why they do what they do. Introduce why they are in afghanistan, where their base is, what their unit is and does. Help your readers understand where they are, what the background looks like, the sky, the mountains if there are any. Your readers want to get a feel for where they are and how should they be feeling. Spelling is a big thing in a story, but i wouldnt worry about it much yet. they have a spell checker on most word processors now. So worry about that last. Write the story then check it later, dont lose the flow of the story. But you have a great start!! Actually has you wanting to know what happens next!!
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