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| "Return" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: sailorunicorn [MediaMiner Member] On: January 27, 2008 16:57 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really agree with Bastion here. It's really good, but the grammar and spelling could use a little work. And the plot skips around too much. But otherwise, keep up the good work.
| Reviewed By: Bastion [MediaMiner Member] On: July 22, 2007 22:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'll be honest here, you really need to find someone who will help you edit this. The writing for the most is fine, but you obviously have some grammar and spelling mistakes that could have easily been eliminated if you had a beta/pre-reader. I would suggest checking out the FFML or any other active fanfic forum that will allow you to post rough drafts for editing. As for the plot, well I give you points for doing something different and also taking me off guard. I didn't think Yuki's father was who he was even with the clue at the end of Ch 2. However, well, honestly, I just don't see Mamoru acting like he does based on what I've seen in the series. BUT you have the right to creative license and really you actually went out of your way to explain Mamoru's actions which is more than I've seen other fics do (though personally you'd need to do alot more character development before I'd suspend my disbelief). I take it in future chapters you'll explain Michiru and Seiya's actions because well that does come abit out of left field. Anyway, overall needs lots of work but I'm intrigued. I'll keep my eye on this one and see where you take this. Good luck!
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