| "Things Gone Wrong" Reviews/Comments [ 33 ] |
| Pages (3): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 ] |
Reviewed By: Ethereal Siren [MediaMiner Member] On: September 18, 2007 23:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very nice. I like the way you can smoothly switch from the internal feelings of characters without confusion. Some people don't do that effectively. I can't wait to see what happens next. I'm glad that you wrote a longer chapter this time. I really liked the whole thing about Inu threatening Shippo and how that was all he needed to not pester Inu about what was wrong. I also appreciate the way no one seems to approach anyone else throughout the story as if there could be a chance that somethign might be wrong, often ending up saying or thinking the wrong thing. I think that Keade would have the wisdom to not approach any situation with any judgment whatsoever. She would never assume that Inuyasha would summon her for anything less important that whatever she had been doing and she would not be likely to tell him so if she thought it. You did a very good job this time. Best chapter yet!
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Reviewed By: unistar [MediaMiner Member] On: September 18, 2007 22:26 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
great update... at least now they know that kagome was kidnapped and spotted... will inuyasha follow kagome's mom and the cops... wonder what happens next... update as soon as you can... please and thank you!
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Reviewed By: unistar [MediaMiner Member] On: September 18, 2007 01:25 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
nice update... who are kagome's kidnappers... why did they take kagome... will inuyasha be able to to anything in kagome's world... wonder what happens next... update as soon as you can... please and thank you!
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Reviewed By: Ethereal Siren [MediaMiner Member] On: September 17, 2007 22:57 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
mmmm I'll keep my critical comments to myself today... just updater soon... ... did Kagome really need to shoplift? make it longer next time and I might have more to say. Good job.
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Reviewed By: angel-up-above-heaven [MediaMiner Member] On: September 17, 2007 02:13 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i read the NAs all the time lol XD but hmmmmm Inuyasha should be out already sniffing until his heart gives out lol anyways please dont be long!! i have a feeling that its Naraku and he didnt got killed in the past...... all well me and my head lol XD
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Title: inuyashaloverr
Reviewed By: inuyashaloverr [MediaMiner Member] On: September 16, 2007 16:34 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I still like the premise of the story here, but as Ive seen a few others mention about AN, you really should have those separate, as it does stops the flow. May I suggest you getting a beta for your story. A beta could help with that, and maybe a couple others. ;) Other than that, I think its coming along pretty good. Update when ya can! ;)
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Reviewed By: Ethereal Siren [MediaMiner Member] On: September 16, 2007 15:23 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This looks like it's going well. Don't wory about your writers block, that's just you being overly critical of yourself (that's the reviewer's job) Inuyasha isn't all that OC. Oh, and thanks for spelling certain words correctly :) I honestly wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't put in the A/N, but that kind of it the point. Things like that are like a pebble in a skating rink. Don't throw pebbles on your skating rink or the skaters will end up in a face plant. I think that Inuyasha might have tried sniffing around without much forethought, but if he stuck around long enough for explanations, that forethought might have seeped in anyway (Inuyasha is pretty smart after all, he just acts quicker than he thinks some... most times). He then would not know what the hell to do w/ himself, thus ending up in the god tree, and then he might jump though the well... probably do some violence to some unsuspecting trees or a certain fox and go find some wise folk and spill out the situation being none too gentle.... that sounds like what you put, but a little more elaborate, see, not that bad, now... keep writing, it's getting good.
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Reviewed By: nataliaseka On: September 16, 2007 11:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
your story is good. But you need to stop adding you personal comments in the middle. It is impossible for people to keep in the rythym of the story if you keep interupting it with personal comments and reminders. You can use authors notes or footnotes, but interupting the flow hurts your story.
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Reviewed By: bettychan On: September 16, 2007 10:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
This could be a great story. However, there is one thing you do that is a pet peeve of mine. That is putting (in my opinion) stupid author notes in the middle of the story. Either save them for the end, like the one about Kagome's eye color. Or write them in as part of the story. You could have had Inuyasha thinking about Mom and Souta telling him Kagome was kidnapped and the defining of the word, rather than break the flow of the story with the a/n. Other than that, this is a pretty well written story. It sounds like it could have some very good drama and suspense in it.
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Reviewed By: angel-up-above-heaven [MediaMiner Member] On: September 16, 2007 01:37 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
holy shit!! i NEED MORE!
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Title: angst
Reviewed By: kokoronagomu [MediaMiner Member] On: September 15, 2007 23:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
i am something of a wimp when it comes to angst/horror and general sad stuff. i feel that this story is intriguing, captivating and eloquently written. however if there is no happy ending i cannot read it and i would appreciate a warning if it will end badly. . . you are a gifted and talented author; i would like to reiterate that this was beautifully written and it's refreshing to read something without having to mentally correct malapropisms and grammatical errors repeatedly. ~ thank you, ginny
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Reviewed By: unistar [MediaMiner Member] On: September 15, 2007 20:28 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
interesting story... wonder what happened to kagome... what will happen to inuyasha... update as soon as you can... please and thank you!
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Reviewed By: LadyCash [MediaMiner Member] On: September 15, 2007 19:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good start, eager to read more.
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Title: inuyashaloverr
Reviewed By: inuyashaloverr [MediaMiner Member] On: September 15, 2007 18:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like your story thus far... the premise of it. It'll be interesting on where you take the characters. Update when ya can! ;)
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Reviewed By: Ethereal Siren [MediaMiner Member] On: September 15, 2007 15:56 CDT
Comment/Review:
It looks like a set up for an interesting story. From here there are a lot of possibilities on where you could take it and I would like to see what you have in mind. The only think that bothers me so far (it really is kind of silly) is spelling school as "skool" when Inuyasha is pronouncing it. There is no way for him to pronounce it in such a way that would indicate this misspelling. I know it is supposed to indicate his ignorance of such things, but it really just rubs me the wrong way... No big deal though... do what you will.
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