|
| "Codename ANNA" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: Grey Wolf [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2013 12:47 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a great Full Metal Panic fic I found it very well written and well told! Keep it up! | Reviewed By: Midoriko-sama [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2008 16:51 EST
Comment/Review:
Well well... I assiduously read your 'Love's smirking revenge', as I have been part of the 'yasha fandom for years, but I admit that I always loved Kaname and Sousuke, and I was glad that I dipped through your other stories today. Thanks for posting this, and I hope to see more of it later! Also, thanks for 'Breathless' *grin* You sure know how to write it!
| Reviewed By: frenchdiamond_1 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2008 14:45 EDT
Comment/Review:
O.O Wow, my review isn't going to be that long. I love your writing, I feel like I'm watching an episode of FMP. It's really awesome. I'm already intrigued as to what kind of person is Anna. I agree with Sinai that the character might be a little too strong, unless that's the point, but because of that she doesn't quite seem real. You might want to brush up on your military lingo, since I noticed some small errors. Please keep going with this story, it looks really interesting.
| Reviewed By: Sinai [MediaMiner Member] On: March 25, 2008 05:31 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
You know, one of the things that strikes me about your writing is that the dialog often feels like it was actually translated from Japanese to English, given that several phrases used are equivalent to single Japanese words and are moderately awkward in plain English. Intentional, picked up from canon, or just sheer coincidence? It's pretty neat, any way you slice it. I really thought Testarossa's character shone in the first chapter, as you continue to impress with your ability to bring small moments in time to life. I think you made a mistake saying he was preapproved to bring small artillery, I think you may have meant armaments or some such, as artillery refers to long range weaponry using shells usually, like mortars or bombards. It seems a little odd that Sousuke was specially requested here, since I always got the impression that upper echelon brass considers Sousuke highly skilled, but a bit of an unreliable rogue element, which is why he's still a Sergeant. Probably a nitpick you could let slide, especially if you show later why Sagara was specifically necessary. The beginning of the second chapter cuts right into the action unexpectedly, and I think it's a great choice. The bit with the mirrors adds a little bit of special forces flair appropriately. I think the sentence "Their light ammunitions weren't even enough to puncture their armour" would sound better from a military perspective if you said "Their light munitions weren't even enough to penetrate their armour." Anna is immediately an intriguing character, as her ignorance of Sousuke implies that Mithril is quite a large organization and organized in a cell structure like terrorists usually are, where groups at the same level are unaware of the actions of each other. Her relative lack of guards and fairly good condition raises the possibility of plans within plans, as if the unnamed enemy want her to be "rescued." She's very sexy in that dangerous sort of way, but if anything, she's *too* powerful so far, as she managed to end up in a standoff against Sousuke from a sitting position armed only with a knife. She's faster and deadlier than Sousuke, and that's not easy to pull off. She'll need a drastic weakness of some sort to stay grounded, although I imagine your backstory on her will take care of that handily. She's obviously got some issues as she rejects Sousuke's helping hand up, and I can only imagine how sparks will fly between her and the other female cast members, particularly Chidori. It's pretty easy to imagine how she could be competition for Sagara's affections since she lives in his world, and presumably can understand where he's coming from. I think an encounter between her and Mao could be especially delicious, as well as a fairly predictable but amusing encounter between her and Kurtz Weber. Unless...you could manage to work in a past relationship between her and another cast member. The possibilities there are nearly endless, but I suspect are again restricted by her backstory. Ah, I keep meaning to start on your Inuyasha epic, but my relative lack of knowledge of the canon and the sheer length has stopped me. But hey, who am I kidding, it's Rumiko Takahashi, it's character driven, not story driven, I don't NEED to know the details to know what's important.
|
|
|
