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| "A Fuzzy Dream" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Inu_inu_luvluv [MediaMiner Member] On: December 27, 2007 12:42 CST
Comment/Review:
great beginning! i've been reading your other stuff too and i like the way you write ^.^!!! it just seemed kinda abrupt (this beginning, i mean), especially the setting of kagome just suddenly saying "i love you" and just a little after that; getting into a car accident. anyway, i loved it; MORE!! ;)
| Title: Not Bad
Reviewed By: Kakashisgurly [MediaMiner Member] On: December 26, 2007 14:05 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's really good, I thought. Maybe I missed it, but I presonally think you should also write the challenge like at the top or something, unless it spoils the story of course. Your spelling was good, your grammar was awesome, the only thing that got me was that they didn't ask questions. Just a suggestion, you might want to rephrase it as something like they asked her her name, her age, and the day (which is normal procedure) but other then that, they didn't ask anything about where she lived or anything of the town. Unless she has complete amnesia, which maybe I missed that too :/ But other then that I think you have a really good story that has great potential, and I hope you succeed in helping it reach said potential.
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