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| "Dirty Little Secret" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Calia On: December 30, 2007 20:56 CST
Comment/Review:
Darn it, I wrote the review and it deleted itself. Basically, this is it: I really liked the way you wrote the story, as far as your style goes and the plot for your fist chapter wasn't a bad idea. Your descriptivness made me happy too. Just remember the spell check, because making too many mistakes can start to mess with the flow of your story, y'know? As far as your plot goes, your guess is as good as mine but maybe you could go into how she meets the team, which is where she meets Hiei, yes? And how they feel for each other in the beginning, how it progresses to where he becomes her "dirty little secret"? And also, I think it would be kinda funny to see her up against Kuwabara. Um...other than all that, I enjoyed this first one and I really hope you'll get some inspiration for the second to write.
| Reviewed By: Calia On: December 30, 2007 20:48 CST
Comment/Review:
I really liked your first chapter, the plot wasn't bad at all, and I really liked the way you wrote it. Please put up a second chapter. T-T I'll be your buddie...hehe. As far as plot goes, I'm not really sure where I would take this either, but maybe you could try talking about how she meets someone else? I could see her up against Kuwabara, almost. But it doesn't seem like you're done, from the way that you wrote it, so I hope you'll find some sort of inspiration and keep it up. Just remember the spell check. ^-^
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