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| "A New Beginning For Me" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Amaya.L On: December 24, 2008 14:29 CST
Comment/Review:
You might want to get a beta and use more punctuation as well as not simply saying but describe each thing and use paragraphs. It WILL make it much easier to read. The Idea is actually quite original and has potential so please continue. Also, don't skip from time to time and place to place. You could have put what happened during the 5 years at Alice Academy (well that's how I took it) slow the story down at key points in the story such as the killing InuYasha part and the introduction to team seven. Also(once again) don't put speech after speech i.e. Italics"Underline"If you say so, now team 7....Show Kagome around a bit and then to the Hokage's office. We have a new mission"Underline And with that, Kakashi poofed to somewhere unknown. Most likely off to read his perverted book. Underline"ALRIGHT!!! Come on Kagome! I'll show you around a bit!"Underline Seconds after, he ran off dragging a startled Kagome with him. Underline"NARUTO!!!"UnderlineSakura screeched, aggravated, Underline"This is a group workUnderline you moron, Underlineso slow down!!!"Underline Sasuke cringed at the high pitch of Sakura's voice but then returned to his cold demeanour Underline"Hn....let's get this over with"Underline after the words have been said he walked towards the gates. Underline"Okay, let's go in the village now."Underline Sakura said cheerfully and skipped after him, happy to obey 'her' Sasuke-kun.Italics Sorry, this may not have the best qualities since I didn't do any revisions on this an it was spur of the moment thing so forgive me for that. Remember, spaces are your friends, along with paragraphs ~Amaya.L
| Reviewed By: SISTERINLAW19 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 09, 2008 17:08 CST
Comment/Review:
can you continue but with more spaces
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