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| "Love Ties" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: Rixii [MediaMiner Member] On: March 26, 2009 23:05 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I thought this was a wonderful story. Definitely not too graphical. If you're reading a lemon, you should be prepared for such things. Hmm..though perhaps some tags might be a good idea, not everyone is fond of..anal. The only other inconsistency I noticed was Fate-chan's laughing. While I liked the humor in the story (The end, oh god, it was wonderful), Fate's laughing at the dirty talk, and her love of pleasing Nanoha didn't go together real well. The way she loves to be embarrassed didn't go well together with the laughing. Otherwise, wonderful story! Saved!
| Reviewed By: markesellus [MediaMiner Member] On: March 11, 2008 03:18 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh wow that was really good. And extremely funny at the end. Great job. I feel like this was a success. It's cool that your challenging yourself.
| Reviewed By: Kioni [MediaMiner Member] On: February 24, 2008 00:02 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story definitely shows that it was experimental. I know you were trying to lay down that some little kid isn't doing this, but maybe too graphical? That's just my idea. Your story in this was definitely different in this one, in style and how you worked with the characters. It was very interesing how you handled with it though. Like said, Nanoha and Fate are new to the whole "play" but it just seemed way too strong to pull off as a first timer for them. You went straight to hardcore items. The things Nanoha was trying to say it showed she was definitely a novice for it, since it's was kinda wierd. Since you said this was probably going to be a next chapter I understand her getting better at it? The grammar seemed like a problem. I'm guessing it was unbeta-ed? I'm wondering will there be showing of more couples instead of the main two? Tia/Subaru, etc. etc. Was the call just like regular telephone or screened? How come they didn't see? Theres a lot more that could be explained, or left alone as a one shot from how the ending was put. As a fan of your stories I'd like to see more on how things approve and such. Lets flip it to the good sides now. The bond between the two you showed was really nice. Fate would do anything for Nanoha, and vice versa; not in battle but in bed too. How it was said and such really showed that they loved each other intimately and lovingly. Though Shamal should've seen it on the call. That definitely have been interesing. Plus the ending was interesting. It would've been nice to follow up on their reaction and maybe have added the boys. Lol. Great beginning, start, or one-shot. But hope to see more of your writings. ~Kioni
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