Reviewed By: Ember [MediaMiner Member] On: September 03, 2002 07:56 CDT
Comment/Review:
Awwwww this is such a great story! I have to say that I was dubious in the begining... being a huge B-V fan... but you did a great job of bearing the sentimentality of Vegeta's love for her, and cementing it to Angel without losing any of the feelings he held for Bulma. The plot was intriguing and kept me gripped throughout the whole work.
There are, however, a few things that would help this story along a bit. Do not be disheartened by this I am merely trying to help your story meet its full potential, as it is teatering on the edge of greatness and I want to help it along.
Some of the pacing was a little off. Some parts I felt were a little rushed over eg: when Vegeta almost choked Trunks. It all seemed to happen a little fast and with no [i]real[/i] reason, although I could see how it was necesary to the plot.
There were also a couple of conversations that were a tad long and pointless. I liked the scene outside of the hospital, but it dragged. Marrons musings were beautiful in relation to the storm, and Goku quizzing Vegeta about his intentions towards Marissa was nice as well, but the other conversations kind of swamped the meaning.
Also I suggest getting a beta-reader. There were several spelling mistakes dotted through the chapters, misplaced words, and chopped up paragraphs that a beta-reader would have spotted and been able to correct for you.
I hope this helps... again it was a great story and very beautifully worked. Now I'm off to read 'VNL-Tears from an Angel'
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